Laces Out

Some good news

2011-09-06T08:17:00.000-07:00

I'll share more about my thoughts on teams looking like crap this weekend.

But I was inspired by my Sports Illustrated college football preview to look for a little good news in the sport, and this really hit me this morning.

It's a story about how the UCF fans will wear red bandannas this Saturday when the Knights play Boston College. That's in honor of 1999 BC grad Welles Crowther, who died in the World Trade Center attacks and who rescued as many as 12 people while wearing his trademark red bandanna. I think it's pretty cool.

Fall from grace

2011-09-03T08:26:00.000-07:00

Last season Texas Christian University, the Horned Frogs, beat Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl. Last night they lost to Baylor. I'm not going to lie: I have no idea what conference the Baylor Bears are in.

Here's what this proves - a quarterback can make or break a team. Without Andy Dalton, TCU looked like a completely different team. Yes, they had quite a comeback in the fourth quarter, but the spark wasn't there. That redheaded, absurd-looking spark.

Anyway, today's a big day. It's the first Saturday of college football! Like Christmas morning.

And after an off-season filled with conflict and scandal, it should be interesting to watch. For example, how will Ohio State handle an interim coach and a new quarterback? Does Miami even get to play anymore? (More on that another day).

I'll post more later, but for now I'll leave you with these important articles to read.

Cheating

2010-11-06T09:33:00.001-07:00

I'm trying really hard to remain naive about the dirty world of college athletics.

But these are getting in my way:

Cam Newton allegedly seeking out a six-figure payment to play for Mississippi State.
Josh Luchs coming clean on paying college players
And pretty much everything Michigan does.

Then I read these articles, and I'm really confused and interested. Essentially what it says is, college scholarship athletes often still have to pay part of their tuition. I recognize that a couple thousand dollars is a lot of money to pay each year if you're from a tough background. Heck, it's a lot for anyone. But it's also a hell of a lot cheaper than it would be if you didn't have a scholarship. I guess I'm torn about this one.

I saw the football boys in the dining hall in college; those kids were not worried about running out of money to spend on food. They were eating like 4 plates of exploding chicken and drinking bedwetters of milk.

There's a committee that's recommended allowing athletes to take out more aid-based loans, and I guess that would help a bit.

Anyway, just an interesting situation: these kids shouldn't be soliciting money from agents and boosters. But how much money do they realistically need to attend their colleges? Is a free college education enough?

I've been remiss

2010-10-31T12:18:00.000-07:00

I admit it.

I've been remiss in my duties as best female sports blogger recently.

I'll try harder.

Here are some thoughts: Oregon is good. I can admit it. They make the NCAA look like a video game. It's awesome. I wish I liked the Ducks so I could get excited about their play. However, I hold to the opinion that they will not finish the season undefeated.

Related to Oregon, I find it disconcerting to turn on the television and see Jeremiah Masoli playing for Ole Miss. It's distracting...but damn he is good. Even if he is a drunk-driving thief. The Rebels, who are now some sort of new mascot to prevent the whole "we are racist creeps" theme.

Which brings me to my favorite ESPN ad of the season:

Seriously it's amazing.

In other news Boston College actually won yesterday. This is amusing for two reasons: one, we are terrible. Two, my best friend Laura's little brother Paul went to Clemson, and every year when we beat Clemson (because it literally seems like it's every year) he throws some sort of monster fit and refuses to tailgate after the game because he has to walk off his anger. And I like the idea of sad Paul wandering BC's campus in a Clemson T-shirt.

Speaking of walking off your anger, I made the error of watching the end of the Notre Dame - Tulsa game yesterday at the old folks home, where it's generally not acceptable to go on an expletive-laced tirade.

I'd like to, if I thought that anything I yelled would make anyone figure out how to make a team that perennially features some of the best, most highly recruited players in the country...play like winners.

Here's a start: hey coach, don't ask your freshman quarterback to throw into the end zone on 2nd and 8 with 2 minutes remaining at the 19 yard line when you're down by 1 point. Literally all you need to do is run the ball through the middle, line up a field goal for one of the best field goal kickers in America, and be done. It doesn't have to be pretty; I'd rather you win by 2 than win by 6, if it means you win. Which, ummm, you didn't. You lost to Tulsa.

Let's have a look at Tulsa: this is a football team that is 2-2 in Conference USA play. So to be clear, this is a team that has lost to Southern Methodist and got one of its wins over Central Arkansas.

I believe this is the end of Notre Dame football tradition. While I believe Notre Dame football has long been dead, the idea that a Fightin' Irish football team could lose to something called the Golden Hurricane (singular, which I believe makes it worse) indicates that any allure of this football program is gone.

Finally I just want to tell you that if you haven't seen Cam Newton play football, get yourself to a television next weekend. This guy (who is the QB for Auburn) is awesome to watch. At least as fun as LaMichael James to watch, and since he's not a Duck it's easier to be psyched to watch him succeed.

Also, he's not bad to look at either:

Thank you, Cam Newton. In the midst of a season wherein my teams are shameful and Oregon fans are being incredibly but predictably annoying, I salute you for making football-watching fun.

I am in hiding

2010-10-14T19:48:00.000-07:00

Some of you may be saying, "Gee, Sheila. Why haven't you been posting your deep thoughts on college football recently?"

My answer: I am boycotting football that actually matters to me. I was so embarrassed by the Notre Dame - Boston College game, or as my friends referred to it, the Battle of Who Is Worst, that I just couldn't bring myself to write about college football.

Every year I think, 'This year I won't take it personally.'

Every year I am wrong.

I take it personally that two years ago my alma mater thought it was a good idea to fire Coach Jags because an NFL team wanted him. I take it personally that instead of hiring a real coach, BC's AD decided to go with the easy, cheap decision and take on Tom Selleck lookalike. I take it personally that the punter is averaging more yards per game than the quarterback.

Furthermore, I take it personally that Notre Dame still is able to recruit the top (able-to-read) receivers and quarterbacks in the nation, then can do nothing with them.

I take it personally that I have to live in a state where the Ducks also live, and as a result I have to listen to Ducks fans all season. And I have to watch the Ducks actually look really, really good.

Anyway, I'm trying. I promise.

Here are a few thoughts for you to chew on until Saturday:

--There are 11 freaking undefeated teams in the top 25 right now. The top ones are Ohio State and Oregon, but really there are a whole lot of good teams out there that could shape up to play some good ball down the road. Michigan State? I mean, I hate the Spartans but there's nothing better than a team playing for a sick coach. Or how about LSU? Damn they looked good last weekend. And Nebraska could win out the regular season and be shut out of the national title game too.

--Boise State and TCU: guess who no longer cares? Me. They're good. They are. I just still can't get behind teams that get to play their schedules each season. Even with OSU. I still can't root for them until they're playing decent teams week in and week out. That means I can't allow them to go into the ACC either, because the ACC is awful.

--Finally, here's something I totally disagree with: Eugene, Ore. being #3 on a list of best college football towns. Chapel Hill, NC ahead of Gainesville? No one even knew UNC had a football team til like 2 years ago. And they cheated to become a real football team. Speaking of, UVA? They have a football team? I am alarmed by this list. All I can guess is that they were just referring to "college towns" rather than "college football towns."

Have the writers been to Eugene? Because if they did they didn't leave campus.

The battle for last place

2010-09-30T21:18:00.000-07:00

Sorry guys.

I stink because I failed to write anything for the past week or so.

Let me explain. I coach a boys soccer team. They're 8 and they're not very good. And they take up a lot of my time; incidentally, they also make me not want to have any children.

However, I have a job to do. So here you go.

I'm no longer talking about Boston College. First of all, they gained just 11 yards in the second half of their game against Virginia Tech on Saturday. Here's the problem with that: VT lost to a Div I-AA team, and also that's awful.

11 yards. You can walk that in like 10 seconds.

In other news, Notre Dame sucks too.

Now here's where it gets really bad: they play each other this weekend. It's the battle of who is the worst team in Division I-A. Get ready. It's going to be awful.

Why can't either of my teams have this guy?

2010-09-18T11:26:00.001-07:00

I have bad news for you guys. There aren't really any good games today.

It's hard to get excited about the Texas Tech - Texas game when the man who was obsessed with pirates and UFOs and who was often invited to do the weather on the Lubbock TV station is gone.

That's right, folks. Mike Leach was a great coach who got fired for allegedly locking Adam James, the son of ESPN commentator Craig James, in an equipment locker after he got a mild concussion (or, perhaps, was just being a baby).

He was hilarious. Check out this ESPN video about him: I'm not joking when I say he loves pirates.

Without him, I really don't care about the Texas Tech - Texas game, except to see the new Texas QB who is replacing the boy named Colt. Unfortunately the new Texas QB has a way less interesting, ridiculous and Texas name.

Anyway, there aren't any games I'm very excited about. Though it will be interesting to see whether Virginia Tech is so bad that they lose to Eastern Carolina University after a loss last week to James Madison. That would be real real bad.

"Return of Heisman not an admission of guilt" -- This is hilarious

2010-09-16T15:42:00.001-07:00

Bahahahaha this is the funniest, stupidest thing I've read in a long time.

Ok, Reggie. Ok.

NO HELMETS

2010-09-15T10:31:00.001-07:00

Welcome to NO HELMETS, where we take a quick look at a hot dude without his helmet on. This week's entry is Dayne Crist, who aside from the fact that he took almost the entire first half of the Michigan game to regain his eyesight and cost his team the game (no biggie, dude), is hot.

He's cute enough, in fact, that I'll forgive the fact that his name is Dayne.

The ACC sucks

2010-09-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

I know I'm not the first person to bring this up. But man, it's embarrassing.

When the two teams that were selected in the preseason to be national title contenders, or at least to be in the top 25, fail to win a game in the first two weeks...you've got problems.

Virginia Tech lost to Boise State in a great game with bad playcalling in the final two minutes. I don't care how much trust you have in a quarterback named Tyrod, you don't throw with less than two minutes remaining on a 3rd and 8 when the Potato People have no timeouts remaining. You just don't. The result -- Boise State marches down the field and takes the Hokies out.

But then VTech followed that sort-of impressive performance up with a loss at home to James Madison. For the record, this is a I-AA team. So there's no excuse. None.

The bad news for Boston College is that we have a week off and then have to play VTech. The Hokies will either have given up by our game or they'll be all kinds of pissed off and will destroy us. I'm going with the latter.

Meanwhile, over in the heartland, Notre Dame - Michigan proves to me the following: don't be a quarterback for Notre Dame. Ever.

My first reaction when the starting quarterback (who is a fine specimen of man, by the way) sat out a series early in the first half was: get your ass back in the game, you pussy.

Which really? Probably isn't the best reaction to have to someone who can't see out of their right eye. But I was overwhelmed by the fact that this guy who by all accounts did not suffer a concussion and who the sideline reporter said "just doesn't feel good" had been given the starting job for a hallowed university in a home game against an archrival, and was sitting out because he didn't feel well. And the Irish lost. So you have your answer right there.

In other news, I think Oregon is dangerously good. Or else haven't played anyone yet. I take that back -- they're a combination of good and untested. They'll continue that theme by taking on Portland State this weekend. In fact, they won't really be tested until maybe Oct 2 against Stanford or maybe Oct 30 when the Ducks take on USC.

I know what various Duck fans will say -- we went into an SEC stadium and put up nearly 50 points. Yes, that's true. Unfortunately that SEC stadium is Rocky Top, and Tennessee has been not so hot the past couple years (12-13, for those of you challenging me). Also those 12 wins include victories over Ohio, Western Kentucky, UAB and Northern Illinois.

Now then: Reggie Bush has decided (finally) to give up his Heisman Trophy. I'd like to point out that will be the first time ever the trophy has been taken away. People have said to me, "OJ got to keep his Heisman and he murdered people." I have a couple comebacks for this, among them that OJ was not technically convicted of murder, and also that OJ didn't murder people during his time at USC and also that OJ murdering people didn't affect his amateur status the way Reggie's taking money and a house from some people did.

A house. I just want people to remember that, when you pay your mortgage or your rent each month. He accepted a HOUSE.

Did you guys know that this Florida wide receiver was arrested for stalking his ex-girlfriend this week?

I probably wouldn't want to get a text message from someone saying "Time to die, bitch." Not going to lie. But he looks friendly enough. Also -- he's only 5 foot 9. Just a side note.

On the subject of Florida, I'm curious -- do you think that if the Gators turn out to be not-so-good this season, as it appears they will, Urban Meyer will return to his crazy person ways? I mean, the guy nearly died last season from coaching. This year he's adopted this calm persona and I got to tell you, it's not working out so hot. They look not so great. Just a thought.

I have a theory...

2010-09-05T19:13:00.000-07:00

...and it goes like this: if in the first week of college football season, your team shouldn't play a team you can't identify on a map. Likewise, your team shouldn't play a team in a division below yours. Etc. Etc.
I say this because while I'm sure it was a real blast to watch Oregon beat New Mexico by the classy score of 72-0, it didn't make anyone better. Oregon is not a better team for beating NM in that fashion; the Ducks may, actually, be worse today. Likewise, Boston College should not seek out a team like Weber State to measure its self-worth (which, judging by a 38-20 score, is not very high). It's the same way with Florida State v Samford, or Florida v Miamo (of Ohio).

These are stupid games. I know it's nice to see the W in the win column and get a feel for what still needs to be worked on in the coming weeks. But it's not much fun to watch, in my opinion, and it doesn't accomplish much of anything.
On the other hand, I actually respect Oregon State's tough loss yesterday. That is a solid opener -- taking on TCU is a noble start to the season, and it was arguably Saturday's best game. It was also proof that the Beavers might be decent this year, and proof that TCU is going to win its entire season with little challenge.

But I can't get past the TCU quarterback. He's very talented, he's very strong, and he's very, very ginger. It's so shocking when he takes off his helmet! Every time I'm shocked. Like I forget while I'm watching him play, and then THIS happens:
I bet he's really nice. And smart. And funny. And I have nothing against a redhead. But it's just not something you see much in college football. I'm just throwing it out there.

That's actually all I have to say today. I'll get back to you soon. It is a long weekend, after all.

Musings on the opening day...

2010-09-02T22:36:00.001-07:00

For those of you who don't know, today is the first day of college football!
Praise Jesus.

Now then, here are two important links I thought would make you happy today:

One, a look at former college football stars and what they're doing with their lives these days.
Two, 90210 is an important part of my life.

Utah decided it would be awesome day to remind the Big East that they suck at football, by beating #14 Pitt in OT. I honestly can't tell you much about Utah; I mean, I can tell you a lot of less than optimal things about the state but as for the football team, I am clueless. Here's something interesting about the state, though. To drink there, you have to join "private clubs." But you can still only drink 3.2 % beer.
In other news, I'm watching the USC - Hawaii game right now and I'm like 90 percent sure there's a guy on the team named Cheezy. As it turns out, the 5-10 running back's name literally? Is Chizzy Dimude. Through my investigatory journalism skills I learn that his full name is Chizimuzo, so yes, I would go by Chizzy. But with a name like that you BETTER be a big-time football player or else you will get your ass handed to you.
Oh! I almost forgot to show you the worst uniforms I've ever had the bad luck to encounter!

Check this out. And that's just VT. I will say I'm a pretty big fan of the gloves.

There are a pretty wide variety of these. I like a couple of them, but this one is the one I love: Alabama's houndstooth-themed numbers, in honor of Coach Bear Bryant who wore this ridiculous hat.

Anyway, time to watch Hawaii hopefully come back to whoop the Trojans. In the interim, I leave you with Utah's cutest team member in honor of their big win tonight.

Okay, so yeah, I picked the coach: Kyle Whittingham, because he's kind of adorable. Does this mean I'm getting old?

See you Saturday!

A thought

2010-08-27T09:54:00.000-07:00

When you see a new college sort of come out from nowhere and begin playing better than it ever has before, you may be the type of person who says: "Good for them."

I am the type of person who says, "I can't wait to see what sort of NCAA violations they've committed."

Case in point: North Carolina, ranked in the preseason top 25 and a school long known for being bad at football, great at basketball.

Here's one way in which they may have been able to get ahead: cheating.

I'm back baby!

2010-08-11T09:39:00.001-07:00

Alright kids, just three weeks until the pigskin hits the turf again. To say I'm excited would be an understatement.

My brother refers to it being like Christmas Day. Honestly, I don't get as excited for Christmas anymore as I do for college football gearing up.

A couple thoughts from the off-season:
--Remarkable work by the NCAA. It only took them like 4 years to figure out that Southern Cal was cheating. Here's the report. And here, I think, is my favorite quote from the Trojans' now-fired athletic director Mike Garrett when he learned about the report:

"As I read the decision by the NCAA … I read between the lines and there was nothing but a lot of envy. They wish they all were Trojans."

A few thoughts on that: not the best way to show the NCAA that you are going to clean up your program. Also not the best way, as he may have learned, to keep your job.

--Also in the Pac-10, the University of Oregon football team was busy in the offseason getting wasted and stealing stuff from frat boys, beating and choking their girlfriends, and driving cars full of weed around Oregon's most annoying town.

That's right. Jeremiah Masoli, the starting quarterback, was first suspended from the team and then later booted off of it for being incapable of staying out of trouble for one long offseason. He lied to coaches about his role in a theft from a frat house, then got pulled over while driving and had a bit of illegal substance in the car. So Masoli's out. Amazingly, he's headed to Ole Miss!?!?
Several other players were removed or suspended from the team this off-season as well. Top times in Eugene.

--Last thing for today: Deadspin has been trying to find the dumbest college athlete, which while I find amusing I also find tragically depressing. But here's my favorite so far: Clemson's obviously educating the shit out of their players.

Final thought: this new Oregon QB is kind of hot, huh?

That's my warmup post to get ready for my valiant return.

Stay frosty!

Season Wrap-Up

2010-01-12T22:05:00.000-08:00

I recognize I've failed to write anything for days. That's because I really didn't enjoy so many of the bowl games this season.

But here is what I believe to be the best part of wrapping up the season. The abandoning of teams by coaches looking for greater glory.

Pete Carroll leaves USC, 3rd-choice Lane Kiffin heads there after one season at Tennessee. I find this so incredibly hilarious, I don't know what to do.

First, let me point out that USC approached Mike Riley, the Oregon State coach. Look, I like Oregon State. But the man is not a winner. Oregon State, in response to the rumors, offers Riley a freaking lifetime coaching position. Is that insane? Yes, yes it is. Riley has a sweet deal at OSU -- he can lose a few games every season, he grew up in Corvallis, he gets some decent recruits.

At USC he would have been destroyed.

Now then, second point: so you go with Lane Kiffin, who aside from having a crazy name also travels everywhere with his father Monte. Which I have to tell you, seems a little excessive. I know that Monte Kiffin invented Cover 2 and is a hell of a good defensive coordinator (though you might not have known that to see the Vols play this year). But I gotta tell you, it's creepy to have your 70-year-old father serve as your coordinator. It's just weird.

Anyway, third point about Lane Kiffin: this is a man who a) can't keep his mouth shut (he accused Florida's Urban Meyer and Georgia of violating NCAA rules, and b) has some problems with NCAA violations himself.

This year, he allowed some very attractive young women to travel to high school games to help with recruiting. So let me just say that I think he'll fit right in at USC, which has a variety of NCAA investigations in process.

One final side note: the Tennessee students apparently tried to wage war on the dude today after his announcement (I'd be pissed too if my coach who promised to turn around my team abandoned ship after one mediocre season). They straight up burned mattresses and rioted. ROCKY TOP!
No one enjoys a sort of crappy riot more than I do, what with the infamous Boston College hockey-related riot of 2000. I'd upload pictures, but unfortunately it was before digital cameras.

Leach v. James

2009-12-29T18:59:00.000-08:00

I am currently watching the Wisconsin - Miami game, which basically demonstrates why Miami is the kind of team that never deserves to win anything because they're such babies.

But during halftime, I got to catch up a bit on the most recent events in the always fascinating life of Mike Leach.

First, let's explain a bit about Mike Leach, and what a confirmed nutcase he is.

Here's my favorite clip from this season of Mike, where he tells the media that the team's problem is his players' fat little girlfriends.

But last year, ESPN did a series of pieces on Leach, because he was in the midst of leading Texas Tech's Red Raiders to an 11-2 finish, the best in school history, I believe. Anyway, apparently in Texas he's like a folk hero. He does the weather, he gives dating advice on a local talk show.

In a word, he's hilarious.

But apparently he's not big on the proper care of his players when they suffer concussions.

Allegedly, Leach got pissed when Adam James, who just happens to be ESPN analyst Craig James's son (geez, I wonder who the "sources close to the family" are), suffered a concussion. He allegedly put the kid in a dark, empty room for three hours because he couldn't practice.

Personally, I think this is symptomatic of a greater issue, which is the football community's disinterest in treating concussions properly.

Now Leach is suspended for the game and he's trying in the courts to get an injunction that will allow him to coach. Probably the best part of this is that if he's still employed by the university on Thursday, they owe him a $800,000 bonus.

But I can't be 100 percent against a man who collects pirate paraphernalia. It's just not realistic that I wouldn't love a person like Mike Leach. So I hope he wins his court filing, if only to watch how ESPN handles it.

Oh my GOD!

2009-12-27T23:46:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I haven't made fun of Urban Meyer yet. I am so foolish and forgetful!

Here you go.

Of all the funny things I've heard about Urban Meyer's decision to step down as head coach of the Florida Gators, my favorite has to be my friend Patrick, who said "Maybe Meyer's wife found him in bed with Tebow." I also enjoyed this former coworker of mine's assessment: "I can't wait to wake up tomorrow to find out Urban Meyer's signed a 10-year extension with Florida."

When Meyer decided that the day after Christmas in the middle of three bowl games less than a week before his team played in a BCS bowl was a good time to announce he was stepping down at the end of the season, he pretty much pissed me off because I had to divide my attention between my football team's seeming inability to tackle in the open field and this clown.

Now, having wasted brain space considering the many things that must be wrong with him to make such a weird, noncompetitive decision, I find out that he is not quitting after all. What is wrong with this person?

Maybe before you announce to the national media that you're quitting, you make a firm decision. I think that's wise. Not that the national media has ever allowed me to make announcements.

But I really don't understand what's going on in that pinhead of his (seriously, it's tiny -- take a look).

First, by nature college football coaches at real programs spend their lives under pressure. I get that he's under pressure, although I should point out he's got the top quarterback apparently ever (Superman wears Tebow pajamas, as you'll recall) and a team that's been steadily kicking ass every year. So his stress is slightly less than, say, a coach with much less talent, booster money, etc.

Second, by nature college football coaches at real programs have to be incredibly, insanely competitive to survive in that world. And if you're not you wouldn't have gotten to the Florida head-coaching job. So I guess it's just confusing to me that you decide in the middle of bowl season that the stress and the chest pains that come with making millions of dollars and outcoaching nearly everyon in America is too much for you. Where do you go from here?

Apparently, you just go to the islands for a few months to recharge, let your offensive coordinator do the hard work, then come back and take over the reins when you feel like it. Which if I were that OC I'd be pissed...but anyway.

I'd also like to draw your attention to this nugget.

We all know I take a special joy in the latest Southern Cal NCAA violation that they then inexplicably get away with.

This one is slightly more fun, though, because I really like that the guy who was dumb enough to set up the star back with a 2006 Land Rover (oh I mean his girlfriend, who is a single mother who pays $500 a month on the car because that's a reasonable amount for a 20-year-old girl to spend on a car every month when her family can't qualify for a loan) also happens to be out of his mind. Either he thinks that we're dumb, or he's dumb. But either way I think the highlight of the story is his company "USC Marketing" he says stands for United States China Marketing. If that's true, which it is not, it is then the worst name for a marketing company ever and no one would ever want to market their products in either of those countries through that company.

And I'm spent....

Bowl Fever

2009-12-27T23:42:00.000-08:00

I have been remiss in my duties.

I apologize.

Blame it on the sour feeling I have from last night, when my football team decided that gaining 9 yards per carry by running it straight up the gut against Southern Cal was a bad idea and abandoned it in favor of our 25-year-old freshman QB's inability to throw accurately despite his 7 years in the minor league baseball world as a pitcher.

Which, based on his football acumen, I'm going to go ahead and say was a smart decision that he never made it to the bigs.

Whew. I'm done.

Glad to see Clemson pull out the big win today...I'm sorry they can't play that way when it matters.

I don't have much to offer on the bowls I've seen thus far. I feel that this week will be remarkably solid. How's that?

And to all you out there who doubted BC's ability to lose the EMERALD NUT BOWL, I say to you: never doubt the Eagles.

Oh Beavs...

2009-12-22T20:38:00.000-08:00

Oh Beavers.

I mean, it's not like I picked you to win in my bowl pool with the sports boys. I took the chance that this would offend the cutest boy in the whole sports department, and we'll just have to see where I stand after I take the freaking lead in the bowl pool after this.

But still. You played with Oregon. And USC. And various other teams all season long.

And you just lost to a team led by a man named Bronco.

I have to tell you. It's disappointing.

On the other hand, it's nice to see that someone (BYU) decided to actually watch some of the footage of your team so that they could see you weren't exactly the most difficult team to break down. I mean, all you really had to do was cut off the screen pass, force Canfield to run and double up on Quizz. So. You did your jobs.

Also BYU's defense? Freaking incredible. Every play they were beyond close to getting a defensive hold or a defensive interference, but they didn't come because they were well-placed on the field. I mean, very impressive.

And you beat the ever-living-shit out of OSU.

But because I refuse to actively root for Mormons, I should point this out. Your quarterback is so pretty...

It's the happ-happiest season of all!

2009-12-20T22:00:00.000-08:00

Friends, it's bowl game time!
I come at this period of days with a mixture of both great joy and great sadness. Because I know that after a week in January, my time will have to be spent on college basketball. And after that? The dark period...

But for now, let's take some joy in the festivities.

So far, I have been underwhelmed both by my ability to pick bowl game winners, but also by the bowls themselves.

Well, I did enjoy the Wyoming - Fresno State game. I mean, two overtimes and a Wyoming team wins!

I will definitely enjoy watching the Oregon State - BYU game on Tuesday. I am thrilled that a team called the Beavers are going head to head against the Mormons. Should be spectacular.

Finally, here's something that will make some people smile: where there's smoke, I believe, there must be fire.

NO HELMETS

2009-12-10T11:25:00.000-08:00

NO HELMETS

Meet Dion Lewis, the running back from Pitt who got left off a list of Heisman trophy finalists so that Tim Tebow could have his final moment shining in the sun.

He's pretty cute.

Holy nightmare matchups, Batman!

2009-12-08T23:22:00.000-08:00

We've got some bowl matchups to discuss. But first I want you to see my favorite part of the Florida - Alabama game.

A lot of people have said I'm a bad person for wishing ill on Tim Tebow.

I am not. I am a bad person for lots of other reasons, but I stand by my opinion that Tim Tebow has been over-fellated this year. A friend said to me that it was fun when he was a freshman phenom but now it's just tiring. I don't like any team that would put a plaque on the stadium walls of a "speech" he gave while he was still enrolled in the school (albeit probably taking 3 credits or something). And so I rooted for Alabama, and look at me now.

Yes, I may have had to root for a team coached by Nick Saban, who I am pretty sure has had hair plugs (that head of hair is just incredible). But at the end of the day, I stand by my decision.

That said, the title game isn't probably going to be very good. Texas - Alabama? Hard to get excited about.

So let's talk about some bowl matchups I am excited about.

First, I fully support the TCU - Boise State matchup, and here's why: because they're playing each other, I don't have to care about either of them. Whichever wins will be a top 5 team and it will be great, but it's once impossible to judge whether they deserve to be there because they're playing the other non-real conference team. So if Boise State wins? whatever. And if TCU wins? Huh.

It's basically like whoever wins that game is the better of the two teams that no one can really tell if they're good or not.

I already shared my disinterest in the title game.

The entire list is below. I shamelessly ripped off of ESPN's Web site.

A few thoughts:

1) Best name of a bowl this year: R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl or Papajohns.com Bowl? Or Jesus, the Brut Sun Bowl or the Advo Care V100 Independence Bowl? I don't even know what that last one means. It's very troubling to me that the sponsors keep getting weirder and weirder on these bowls.

Do Emerald Nuts believe that I am more likely to buy their product because they sponsor the bowl my team is going to get destroyed in? And if so, then why did they drop the "nuts" part of the bowl, which really was the best part.

Does Meineke think the "Car Care" part of the bowl name is necessary? Are there a lot of other services that Meineke offers that I might get it confused with? Like they want to be clear, this is the Meineke Car Care Bowl, not the Meineke Mani-Pedi Bowl or the Meineke SAT Prep Bowl.

2) I think the Brut Sun Bowl is going to be fun -- Stanford vs. Oklahoma. An interesting matchup and a chance for people to see whether the Pac-10 is really good. Also a good game for those of us who don't miss being part of the Big East? The Sugar Bowl. I seriously can't imagine how much fun Florida is going to have dismantling everything that Cincinnati has prided itself on. It will be just the dressing down that Brian Kelly needs before he heads to Notre Dame, where he'll probably enjoy many dressings down in the 2010 season.

3) Did anyone know that Temple still had a football team? I could have sworn they left Div I-A a few years ago.

4) Does it bother anyone else that my team has to play the day after Christmas but the mighty Troy and Central Michigan teams get a January bowl? I mean, yes, it's the GMAC bowl (I honestly don't even know what that stands for and will not be bothering to look it up), but still. I thought the whole point was to put the most important bowls at the end. And that? Is not important.

Anyway, that's all I've got in me tonight.

2009-10 College Football Bowl Schedule

New Mexico Fresno State vs. Wyoming	Albuquerque, N.M. University Stadium	Dec. 19 4:30 p.m.	ESPN
St. Petersburg UCF vs. Rutgers	St. Petersburg, Fla. Tropicana Field	Dec. 19 8 p.m.	ESPN
R+L Carriers New Orleans Southern Miss vs. Middle Tennessee	New Orleans Louisiana Superdome	Dec. 20 8:30 p.m.	ESPN
MAACO Las Vegas Oregon State vs. BYU	Las Vegas Sam Boyd Stadium	Dec. 22 8 p.m.	ESPN
S.D. County Credit Union Poinsettia Utah vs. Cal	San Diego Qualcomm Stadium	Dec. 23 8 p.m.	ESPN
Sheraton Hawaii Nevada vs. SMU	Honolulu Aloha Stadium	Dec. 24 8 p.m.	ESPN
Little Caesars Marshall vs. Ohio	Detroit Ford Field	Dec. 26 1 p.m.	ESPN
Meineke Car Care Pitt vs. North Carolina	Charlotte, N.C. Bank of America Stadium	Dec. 26 4:30 p.m.	ESPN
Emerald Boston College vs. USC	San Francisco AT&T Park	Dec. 26 8 p.m.	ESPN
Gaylord Hotels Music City Kentucky vs. Clemson	Nashville, Tenn. LP Field	Dec. 27 8:30 p.m.	ESPN
AdvoCare V100 Independence Texas A&M vs. Georgia	Shreveport, La. Independence Stadium	Dec. 28 5 p.m.	ESPN2
EagleBank Army or UCLA vs. Temple	Washington, D.C. RFK Stadium	Dec. 29 4:30 p.m.	ESPN
Champs Sports Miami vs. Wisconsin	Orlando, Fla. Florida Citrus Bowl	Dec. 29 8 p.m.	ESPN
Roady's Humanitarian Bowling Green vs. Idaho	Boise, Idaho Bronco Stadium	Dec. 30 4:30 p.m.	ESPN
Pacific Life Holiday Arizona vs. Nebraska	San Diego Qualcomm Stadium	Dec. 30 8 p.m.	ESPN
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Houston vs. Air Force	Fort Worth, Texas Amon G. Carter Stadium	Dec. 31 Noon	ESPN
Brut Sun Oklahoma vs. Stanford	El Paso, Texas Sun Bowl	Dec. 31 2 p.m.	CBS
Texas Navy vs. Missouri	Houston Reliant Stadium	Dec. 31 3:30 p.m.	ESPN
Insight Minnesota vs. Iowa State	Tempe, Ariz. Sun Devil Stadium	Dec. 31 6 p.m.	NFL Network
Chick-fil-A Virginia Tech vs. Tennessee	Atlanta Georgia Dome	Dec. 31 7:30 p.m.	ESPN
Outback Northwestern vs. Auburn	Tampa, Fla. Raymond James Stadium	Jan. 1 11 a.m.	ESPN
Capital One Penn State vs. LSU	Orlando, Fla. Florida Citrus Bowl	Jan. 1 1 p.m.	ABC
Konica Minolta Gator West Virginia vs. Florida State	Jacksonville, Fla. Municipal Stadium	Jan. 1 1 p.m.	CBS
Rose Bowl Game presented by Citi Ohio State vs. Oregon	Pasadena, Calif. Rose Bowl	Jan. 1 4:30 p.m.	ABC
Allstate Sugar Florida vs. Cincinnati	New Orleans Louisiana Superdome	Jan. 1 8:30 p.m.	FOX
International South Florida vs. Northern Illinois	Toronto, Canada Rogers Centre	Jan. 2 Noon	ESPN2
Papajohns.com South Carolina vs. UConn	Birmingham, Ala. Legion Field	Jan. 2 2 p.m.	ESPN
AT&T Cotton Oklahoma State vs. Ole Miss	Arlington, Texas Cowboys Stadium	Jan. 2 2 p.m.	FOX
AutoZone Liberty Arkansas vs. East Carolina	Memphis, Tenn. Liberty Bowl	Jan. 2 5:30 p.m.	ESPN
Valero Alamo Michigan State vs. Texas Tech	San Antonio Alamodome	Jan. 2 9 p.m.	ESPN
Tostitos Fiesta Boise State vs. TCU	Glendale, Ariz. U. of Phoenix Stadium	Jan. 4 8 p.m.	FOX
FedEx Orange Iowa vs. Georgia Tech	Miami Land Shark Stadium	Jan. 5 8 p.m.	FOX
GMAC Central Michigan vs. Troy	Mobile, Ala. Ladd-Peebles Stadium	Jan. 6 7 p.m.	ESPN
Citi BCS National Championship Game Texas vs. Alabama	Pasadena, Calif. Rose Bowl	Jan. 7 8 p.m.	ABC

NO HELMETS

2009-12-03T22:14:00.000-08:00

Poor little Sean Canfield.

Adorable, sweet Sean Canfield failed again.

Let's look at him, shall we?

My goodness. That's enough to make you a Beaver Believer all year round.

A thought on LaGarrette Blount

2009-12-03T22:04:00.001-08:00

I am not going to hold off on this, even though I'm pretty sure tomorrow I might feel less serious about this.

As anyone with ESPN knows, tonight Oregon squeaked out a win over Oregon State 37-33, and it was a nice win for the Ducks that will send them to the Rose Bowl. I will root for them in the Rose Bowl, and I am not exactly heartbroken about the Beavers. I mean, I really don't care much either way, but it would have been fun to see the upset.

Here's what I'm troubled by, and I'm honestly curious what your thoughts are.

LaGarrette Blount. Let me remind you of a few things about this young man....

I'm guessing that refreshed your memory. Anyway, he is the young man who threw a punch at the start of the season on national television. He is the young man who Chip Kelly suspended for the season and then magically unsuspended for the season and said would play once he climbed various rungs on an imaginary ladder.

He has been eligible to play for a few weeks now. He hasn't played.

Until the Civil War. Until the Ducks are down 9 points in the third quarter against the Beavers and their shot at the Rose Bowl is on the line.

And maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I just think that's tacky. I'm not saying that the Beavers shouldn't have stepped up and shut him down when they needed to, or that the Ducks wouldn't have won without him (I think they would, and could have). I just get a bad taste in my mouth about it. Not sure why. It just felt a little bit like Chip Kelly saying, 'We're in a tight spot. Here's a guy who they have very little film on, who hasn't been a part of our offense all season but who has practiced with us. Let's throw him in at an opportune time.'

I am not even saying that as a coach I wouldn't have done the exact same thing.

I'm just saying I thought it was tacky.

That said, I also thought both their defenses looked like shit. And that the Beavers let it slip away and made a bad call to go for it on 4th and 15 with 6 minutes remaining. Again, I'm not sure how I would have done things differently, I just don't agree with the call.

And on that note, here's something else I find tacky:

That is thanks to my friend Mike. And that, complete with three separate (and to my mind unnecessary) fonts on one T-shirt, is why I rooted for the Beavers.

Being part of Beaver Nation

2009-12-02T23:41:00.000-08:00

This is going to divide the very few followers of this blog, but I'm going to make this statement up front.

Tomorrow, I root for the Beavers. Which means I root against the Ducks.

Which frankly should impress you all because that means I am actually, for once, rooting for a team based in Oregon. That said, I have no real choice. They're playing each other.

Anyway, here are my thoughts on the Civil War, which is more brutal than usual because the winner heads to the Rose Bowl to get beaten by Ohio State:

I think Oregon will probably win. I think it will be close. And I think that once again, at the close of the season, Oregon Ducks fans (if their team comes out of the Civil War on top) will be insufferable yet again. And so I choose to root for the Beavers, because one thing I enjoy about them is that they're always just kind of surprised and happy to be involved. That's what sucking really hard for a long time will do for a program: it teaches humility.

Several other reasons that I've chosen to root for OSU: survival. There are way more Beaver fans in Bend than Ducks. And the Beaver, I believe, is a more fierce mascot than the Duck.

Also, this, which offends me to my core: I Love My Ducks

Seriously. That may have pushed me over the edge.

Anyway, I hope if nothing else it's a close, well-played game. I also hope it gets a little chippy. And I particularly hope that LaGarrette gets a little playing time. Just for the fun of it. So his stat line won't say -5 yards for the entire season.

***

In other news, Charlie Weis got fired the other day. I was surprised it didn't happen on Sunday (although that's the Lord's Day, so I shouldn't be too shocked).

Notre Dame has a challenge on its hands, because it must find someone who wants the job, but who can also do the job. It's a bit harder than pulling a bunch of clowns out of junior college like they do at Boise State (and, ahem, Oregon). Unlike most schools in the country, most of these boys are actually expected to go to class and graduate. Oh and win games, which has been much more of a challenge than the graduation rate in the past few years. And by few I mean like 18.

In the meantime, it will be interesting to see if the Irish go to a bowl game. I would like them to just so I get another chance to see Jimmy Clausen throw to Michael Floyd for 400 yards. Because I'm pretty sure that depending on who they pick to take over as coach, Clausen is going to bust out of there a year early.

Maybe Duke's got another point guard it will be willing to give up to the Irish? Scheyer? You interested? Because your predecessor's been very successful at Syracuse (4-8, with 14 interceptions and 13 touchdowns).

Oh, and Bobby Bowden retired, which I'm pretty sure every Florida State fan is secretly thankful for even if they won't admit it. I should point out the man appears to be completely off his rocker. I don't think he's known the names of his players for years now. He probably thought he'd already retired.

Now if they could just get rid of Joe Paterno at Penn State.

See it to believe it

2009-11-29T00:30:00.001-08:00

If you'd told me at the start of the football season that TCU would be in the Top 5, that Notre Dame with its easiest schedule in 5 years would go 6-6, that Boston College would have eight wins, and that among the Heisman candidates would be a man from Stanford, I would not have believed you.

And yet here I stand (well, technically I am reclining, but you get my meaning) a changed woman.

Let me first say that I am confident tomorrow I will awaken to a new era of Notre Dame football that features God as head coach, Jesus as the offensive coordinator and the Holy Ghost running defense. Barring that, I'd at least like to imagine a world in which the quarterbacks coach for the Irish isn't the worst QB to come through the school in 20 years. And to be fair, Ron Pawlus may be the best coach ND has, considering their defensive performance this evening and their remarkable inability to win games this season.

Now then, let's talk rivalry week.

I enjoy this week of college football a whole lot, because every other school besides Boston College has an in-state rival to play. We? We get to play Maryland, because there is no other Division I-A football program in Massachusetts. If there is, I'd like to know about it.

But everyone else gets to play their most hated rival. For example, Clemson - South Carolina, Florida - Florida State, UCLA - USC. I always wonder about states where there are three or five schools with big football programs. Like, does it hurt one of those teams' feelings that they're not the one so hated that you finish the season with them?

My other favorite part of rivalry week are the weird names of the games. Like, for example, Mississippi State and Ole Miss meet in the EGG BOWL. Why? I think it must have to do with the golden egg that's given to the winner, but I'm unclear on why you would give the winner of a football game a golden egg. We may never know.

Here's another amazing one -- in Utah, Utah, Utah State and BYU play for the Beehive Boot, but the game between BYU and Utah is called The Holy War, which I find seriously hilarious. I'm curious whether the Mormons who go to the game actually call it the Holy War. But anyway, the Beehive Boot goes to the team with the best record in Utah.

Now that sort of makes sense because interestingly enough Utah is the Beehive State. Which actually makes me wonder whether Mississippi is maybe the Egg State. I'll check it out and get back to you.

Check out the Beehive Boot (it's a real pioneer boot!):

But what everyone wanted to talk about today was the Heisman race.

The big question on everyone's mind is whether Tim Tebow will win it again. Amazingly, this hasn't come up all season. He hasn't even been on the lists. And now all of a sudden, the guy's back in the race, even though he hasn't put up the same numbers as he did two years ago or even last year.

Two thoughts on Tim Tebow.

I cannot take seriously a man who wears things like THIS to a football game.

There was a time when eye black was to keep the sun from hurting your eyes. Now, it's apparently for proselytizing. Also, this is what Romans 1:16 says, if you're curious:

¹⁶I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.

I have NO idea how that is connected to a football game. None.

And I will not take seriously any sports Web site that allows this headline on the front page of the site:

Sure, his stats stand out, but it's Tim Tebow's generosity of spirit that fans will cherish.

Generosity of spirit? This is football, people. I am a great lover of college football, but I will not have it described in such a way. Not on my watch, ESPN.com.

Anyway, now everyone is high on Toby Gerhart from Stanford, who lit up Notre Dame today in the fourth quarter. He's very good. He's also named Toby, but since he's so good, I'm going to let that part slide. But do you think Toby is short for something? And if so, what?

He's got great stats and I think his last few games of the year have cemented him in the running for the Heisman.

But my bets are on Colt McCoy, who although he has remarkably googly and vaguely Tyler Hansbrough eyes, is a great QB who is putting up great numbers. And he's had that sad little look for a couple years now, since he keeps getting beat out by people like Tim Tebow and Sam Bradford. Also, I feel like Colt McCoy is like a 9th year senior or something, his name has been thrown around for so long. Maybe if he wins the Heisman we can finally get rid of him.

That's all I've got tonight. Except that I went to see The Blind Side today and while it's super cheesy and predictable, it's also wonderful. Anyone who feels as deeply about sports movies and the power they have to make you cry and then make lists of life goals should definitely go see this movie.

NO HELMETS

2009-11-26T22:09:00.000-08:00

Proof that they don't have to look smart, they just have to look hot.

Jordan Shipley, WR for Texas and Colt McCoy's roommate.

NO HELMETS

Violence is not the answer

2009-11-23T22:20:00.000-08:00

This should help my mom stop worrying about my brother's football-related anger management.

I mean, he gets mad, but I don't think Brian would EVER punch Jimmy Clausen in the face.

Mostly because I'm pretty sure that Jimmy Clausen is the best thing that the Irish have going for them.

NO HELMETS

2009-11-22T22:03:00.000-08:00

NO HELMETS

If you can get past the fact that this man was born in 1988 (it always horrifies me when I discover that these kids are just that, kids), and that I'm pretty sure he's rocking adult braces right now, then let me introduce you to Robert McClain, a UConn Huskies senior team captain.

I would love to have a better photo for you, but as you can imagine, until they beat ND there wasn't (and this probably continues) much interest in the mighty UConn football squad.

I feel like I'm being punished, but I don't know what I did wrong.

2009-11-22T15:16:00.000-08:00

My friend Keith said this in reference to being a Steelers fan. I can't agree more.

I'm pretty sure I'm not even going to discuss the fact that Notre Dame lost to UConn. I will just mention, in passing, that UConn has only been a I-A team for about seven years. Just want to get that out there.

No screw it. Here is what I have to say. You can't let teams start thinking they can play with you. Basically, that's what ND does every single game. They start strong, and if they could just punch it in three or four times in the first half, then the Huskies would be on their knees and scared and wouldn't think they had a chance to come back.

Also, and I discussed this at length with my dad on Saturday, this is a top 5 recruiting class. Every year, Notre Dame recruits some of the top talent in the U.S. Yes, they have to read and they'll be expected to go to class and eventually graduate, and those who can't go to USC and Florida and those fine institutions. But you're still getting cream of the crop talent. And if you're such a bad coach that they look that defeated and sad and just generally NOT GOOD on the field, then just let them go playground. Let Jimmy Clausen run the team; let him call plays and say, Hey Golden, you wanna run this one? Hey Floyd, wanna run a wideout route and score a touchdown? They're obviously capable and this man is hindering their abilities.

Okay, I'm done.

I don't have much to say about the Boston College - North Carolina debacle except this: your QB can't throw five interceptions and get a win. It is pretty much statistically impossible. And if you do win, then wow your opponent must have been really really bad. Ugh.

So. Let's move on to teams that are decent and won't likely end up in the Emerald Nut Bowl.

I am no fan of teams playing patsies to warm up the season and pad the win column. I find it distasteful, even though I know that many of the teams I like do it. Still, if you're going to do it, I appreciate that it's done at the start of the year. For some reason, I think it's worse to wait until the end of the season and then suit up your #1 team with a Heisman trophy winning QB against Florida International. Yes, I'm talking about the Gators. I am also talking about #2 Alabama, which put a whooping on Chattanooga.

Seriously? I recognize the SEC is a tough conference to play in, and I recognize the guys are tired, and I further recognize that the SEC has a championship game (which I love, by the way). But I still think it's sort of crappy to prep your team for the championship game against some poor saps from FIU.

In other news, I think Oregon has run out of luck, and I think we might see a Civil War next Thursday (Dec. 3) that will blow our hair back. The Beavers are better than they've gotten credit for this season, and they traditionally enjoy nothing more than showing up and making fun of the Ducks' uniforms and beat them on a last-second field goal. And if they do, they'll go to the Rose Bowl. Anyway, either way I think it's going to be a hell of a game, particularly after Oregon only just snuck a win out against Arizona last night.

Oh man, I can't believe it's taken me this long to make fun of the LSU coach! For those of you who don't just sit home watching football all day, let me fill you in. LSU-Ole Miss. Not a game that matters really, but a decent game. And Ole Miss surprises LSU by sticking with the Tigers through the whole game. Anyway, the Rebels had the lead, 25-23, with about a minute remaining. LSU kicked the most textbook perfect onsides kick of all time and it went right into an LSU player's hands, and he got it down to the 42, and then they got down to like the 25 or so with no lie one second remaining.

So what do they do? They try to stop the clock to bring the kicking unit on the field by spiking, but spiking takes too long and the game is over and Ole Miss wins.

If you've got one second left, you have nothing to lose. Make a play for the end zone. And the LSU coach had literally no idea what to say in explanation of this bonehead play.

Here's a fun quote that I'm sure any QB would be pleased to see in the paper the next day.

"I felt like the quarterback could manage the situation. That was my mistake."

Geez, thanks for nothing, Coach.

I would discuss the Cal-Stanford game, which turned out to be a good one.

But really? I can think of no two teams I care less about than Cal and Stanford. Traditionally the only thing interesting about either school is their bands.

I'm not ready to let that tradition die.

NO HELMETS

2009-11-20T10:09:00.001-08:00

If in fact Coach Mangino has been verbally harassing his players, let me say this to Todd Reesing, quarterback for Kansas.

I would love to verbally harass you.

NO HELMETS

Feeling overshadowed.

2009-11-19T22:10:00.000-08:00

I love college basketball. Not as much as college football, but enough to continue paying 2/3 of the cable bill for another four months while allowing my roommate to enjoy the cable as much as I do.

And there's part of me that loves this time of year more than any other -- it's dark out pretty much all the time, you're completely justified to change into your pajamas at 7 p.m. and watch whatever sports are on TV, and there's no shortage of sports at all whatsoever.

But I can't help feeling that right about now, up until the bowl season, college football sort of falls by the wayside a little bit.

For example, this evening there was apparently a pretty decent game on between Oklahoma State and Colorado, of all things. The fact that the #12 team in the country nearly lost to Colorado is reason enough for me to stand up and take notice. Except I was at the old folks' home watching a college basketball game instead, and it was so good I totally forgot there might be a good football game on.

So I stand ready to hold football in your faces until it's over.

You know why?

When it's gone, and the long sport-desolate months of April through August stretch before you, you'll look back on these halcyon days and say, 'Thank God Sheila alerted me to the big fight happening in Kansas over that hugely fat coach.'

So let's hop to it.

Everyone's favorite giant, Mark Mangino (seriously I feel bad for the fans of this team, because he's a good coach but there is no way he's going to make it another five years the way he's going) is being accused of some coaching indiscretions at the University of Kansas, where he's made some headway in a quest to stop the Jayhawks from being just a basketball school. Here's what they say at ESPN.com:

Kansas athletic director Lew Perkins has launched an investigation into Mangino allegedly grabbing, yelling at and putting his finger in the chest of senior linebacker Arist Wright, who had been laughing during a walkthrough or practice prior to the Colorado game on Oct. 17, two people briefed on the situation told ESPN's Joe Schad on Tuesday night.
Since then, several former Kansas players come forward with allegations of verbal abuse.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, maybe I'm just used to private schools. But I personally see very little wrong with this. Verbal abuse? Seriously? You're college football players. I'm pretty sure your whole adulthood has been based on verbal abuse. I remember exactly two coaches from HIGH SCHOOL who didn't verbally abuse us.

I guess I'm not saying it's right, but I certainly don't think a coach yelling at you because you aren't paying attention, even grabbing you, is unacceptable. It would be unacceptable if he were, say, punching you in the face.

I'm sort of on Team Mangino here. And I'm proud to be in the company of this little man, who I'm guessing is also on Team Mangino.

Wow, even as I write this I discover that I do not know the whole story. Let's check out this magic from www.deadspin.com.

Some (alleged) highlights:

"One day, [Mangino] said in front of the entire team, 'Are you going to be a lawyer or do you want to become an alcoholic like your Dad?'"

When confronting a KU player who had received a "minor in possession" ticket, Mangino told him "You'll be drinking out of a brown paper bag the rest of (your) life." Brown, who had a brother that was once shot in the arm, says that Mangino once said to him, "If you don't shut up, I'm going to send you back to St. Louis so you can get shot with your homies."

Lovely. Still, not sure this is anything worse than what you'd expect on most college football fields. And as Deadspin points out, all this comes out when the team is sucking, as opposed to last season, when they were 12-1.

So for the moment, I'd like to go back to Baby Mangino.

Feeling better already.

NO HELMETS

2009-11-16T21:24:00.000-08:00

So I wanted you all to see some cute boys from TCU.

But I couldn't find any who weren't wearing helmets.

So here's this.

I think it's worth it just for the weirdness factor

Do I have to blog about TCU?

2009-11-16T20:55:00.000-08:00

The first piece of college mail I got, probably in 1996, was from Texas Christian University. I did not apply to TCU, but I got a second chance to interact with this fine university in 2005, when after graduating from Columbia University I was recruited to be a sports reporter in Abilene, Texas. I was promised the following: a chance to cover big-time high school football in Texas, and maybe to get some college sports experience at TCU. I chose once again not to be a part of western Texas, partly because while looking at www.apartments.com, I discovered most of the housing there was mobile homes.

I am many things, but I am not going to live in a mobile home.

So it is with great pain that I write about the TCU Horned Frogs, who are currently ranked #4 in the country. They are undefeated, which is great. They destroyed Utah this week, and now all of a sudden people are saying the Horned Frogs are for real.

Do I think they could beat Florida, Alabama or Texas? Hmm. No.

But I never would have thought that Boise State would win the best college bowl game I've ever seen in my life a few years ago so what do I know?

I mean, I thought BC might be able to put the hurt on UVA, who lost to a Div. I-AA team earlier this season (and not even a good Div. I-AA team, but William and Mary!). And yet we very nearly lost.

And I also thought Notre Dame might beat Pitt.

Well, let's get into that a bit.

I had a talk with my dad, from whom I learned quite a bit about college football in my youth. He also happens to be a very big ND fan. But he also is the kind of man who, when the team starts to look like shit, turns to the Oregon game and tries to forget about it. When I was little, when ND started losing he would go out and mow the lawn.

There aren't enough lawns in the world this season.

Look, I think, individually, these are some great guys. Jimmy Clausen is one of the top 5 quarterbacks in the U.S., although his obnoxious little pinched face gets old. Michael Floyd is back, and he's spectacular. Golden Tate has the best name ever (better even, in my opinion, than the guy named Yourhighness who almost played at BC) and is a good runner. ND regularly has a top 5 recruiting class.

And yet, in talking with my dad, he made a great point: they get worse every week.

He's 100 percent correct.

When ND started the season, there was fire. They looked great. That is a thing of the past. Don't get me started on Charlie Weis's cocky, unacceptable decisions (like, for example, 3rd and 26 -- yeah, we should run the ball). I guess he learned it from the best -- if you were paying attention, ridiculous Bill Belichick decided it was a good idea to go for it on 4th and 2 at his own 28 with 2:08 remaining against the undefeated Colts. If he'd been right, it would have been epic. He was wrong, and that's why everyone is talking smack even though it's Monday. Kind of gets rid of that mystique.

Also gone is USC's dominance, apparently. The Trojans dropped their third this season, to what I can only believe is an incredibly underrated Stanford team. I told Dad, he of the mowing lawns, that I didn't remember the last time Southern Cal dropped three regular season games.

The answer? 2001. Kristen totally knew that.

Okay, that's all I can do right now.

Yikes

2009-11-14T16:15:00.000-08:00

Look, I support the troops and everything.

And the Wounded Warriors Project seems like a nice thing.

But there's nothing cool or nice about these uniforms South Carolina wore to get beat up by Tim Tebow and the Gators today.

My first thought was this: hey, is that kid's last name really Integrity? That's wild!

Then I realized, no. Those are just the ugliest, most embarrassing uniforms in history.

How about you take the money you're going to spend on the embarrassing and ugly uniforms and donate it all?

It all hangs in the balance

2009-11-14T08:37:00.000-08:00

Today's a big day to be an Irish fan. Now, I don't base my self-worth on Notre Dame football, because if I did I would have a hard time looking myself in the mirror on a week-to-week basis.

After last week's embarrassing loss to Navy, the Irish have three more games, and they could easily lose all of them. Today they're up against Pitt, next week it's UConn and finally Stanford.

Pitt is ranked #12 in the country, for reasons I cannot discern except that it's one of the few teams in the nation with one loss. That said, their loss comes to NC State, which features my least favorite coach in the world, Tom O'Brien (and that's saying something, since I have a lot of hate in my heart for football coaches across this great nation). It should be noted that NC State is 4-5. Anyway, Pitt has beaten every team in the Big East this season, along with, wait for it, Navy.

So there's that.

I happen to think ND will beat Pitt. But even if the Irish get that win, they've still got to get past UConn and Stanford, and I'm embarrassed to write that as if it's a challenge. Except that Stanford put up 50 points to beat Oregon, and UConn nearly beat Cincinnati a couple weeks ago.

Point is, most Notre Dame fans seem pretty well finished with Charlie Weis. They can either root for three more wins and a decent bowl game (I won't even get into the hopes of winning a bowl game) or they can hope for a couple losses here at the end of the season so Charlie's definitely out the door. Because if they finish strong, I could see the Irish giving Charlie another year. Or six.

On to other, more important parts of college football...

Who knew a game between Utah and Texas Christian would be so damn important? The game, which is usually an also-ran that plays on a Friday night, has big implications. Both teams are ranked and TCU is undefeated. Utah's beaten TCU the past three years, and while TCU is slated to beat up on Utah, I doubt that will happen. I'm guessing TCU stays undefeated but am hopeful for a close game. That said, is this game even televised? Ridiculous.

Finally, there's kind of an interesting game on mid-day between Iowa and Ohio State. I've stated previously that I am not convinced about the middle America teams' strength. Ohio State just hasn't looked particularly crisp this year, and I knew Iowa was going to go down eventually. But I think this game is interesting because whoever wins solidifies its spot in the Rose Bowl. Iowa lost its quarterback, but I think for the Hawkeyes, the pressure's off. They're no longer undefeated and I think that helps a team get back to basics. Anyway, no idea who is going to win, but I think it should be a decent game.

I will leave you with this, the greatest of all justifications for bringing back Oregon's LeGarrette Blount, who was suspended for the season after punching a Boise State player on national television during opening night of college football.

"We put a plan in place lot of academic and behavioral ladders and if he climbed them he would have the opportunity to be reinstated," Coach Chip Kelly said. "For him it's been a long road back but he fulfilled everything we asked him to do."

I would pay at least $500 to see that kid's mid-term grades.

A long road back it was not.

Catch the Fever.

2009-11-12T21:13:00.000-08:00

In the immortal words of a guy I worked with in New Jersey: Rutgers football, catch the fever.

He didn't put an exclamation point after it, and I'm going to go ahead and assume that's because even Rutgers grads know the truth. But after the 31-0 romping the Scarlet Knights just laid on South Florida, I was slightly excited about the team.

I have an unfair disgust for Rutgers, because of two, interminable years working in New Jersey with two very overzealous Rutgers grads who were pretty psyched that in 2006, with the Big East missing Virginia Tech, Miami and Boston College, they pulled off a number of wins and were nationally ranked for much of the season.

One of those Rutgers fans may read this blog...so I will refrain from saying anything else, like the fact that the obnoxious banter reminded me in no small way of the kind of crap I've heard from Ducks fans this year.

Point is, it pains me to say it, but Rutgers looked pretty good tonight. Or more to the point, USF looked real real real bad.

Two other things to say:

1) Boston College vs. UVA this weekend. Let's be very clear. UVA lost to William and Mary this year. That's a Division I-AA football team, for those of you playing at home. If we lose, I give back all the money that I won from U of O fans last week.

2) Hey Tennessee football players. Aren't you kind of busy? Shouldn't you be too busy to go out and commit armed robbery? No? Hmm.

NO HELMETS

2009-11-08T10:20:00.000-08:00

NO HELMETS

In honor of Stanford's big win yesterday over Oregon, let me introduce you to Andrew Luck, the freshman quarterback for the Cardinal.

He actually, I think, looks a little better in a helmet. But we'll take what we can get.

Who says there weren't any good matchups yesterday?

2009-11-08T09:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I made a couple bold statements. One, I said there weren't many good matchups, and I apparently was wrong. I guess I figured that most of the Top 10 teams who lost or nearly lost yesterday were going to play like Top 10 teams. That was wrong.

Iowa lost, Oregon lost, USC only put up 14 points on Arizona State, Alabama squeaked by LSU, and Cincinnati and Boise State also had scares.

Let's start with Iowa's loss to Northwestern. The Hawkeyes were undefeated entering this game, but they'd looked shaky almost every week. They've played from behind for miraculous wins in several games this season. Someone was going to sneak up on them, and it happened to be, of all teams, Northwestern. Northwestern had a good run there in the mid 1990s. Since then they've been dreadful. And they're still dreadful, and Iowa made them look good. So that got rid of one of our undefeated teams.

Cincinnati remains one of the 6 remaining undefeated teams, but they had to put up 47 points to beat UConn, 47-45. A coach has to be concerned when UConn can put 45 points on your defense.

But what I'd really like to talk to you about is the Oregon Ducks. Now, I would like you all to quickly scroll down to the previous post, where I said Stanford would beat the Ducks. Give me a mental pat on the back, because I was right.

The Ducks found themselves in a classic situation -- you get a big win over USC, then you figure you're great and don't have to worry about a little team like Stanford. You are wrong. Stanford put up 51 points on the Ducks, a week after the Ducks put up nearly 50 points on USC. I don't understand how you score 42 points and fail to win a game. But I am pleased that the result is silent Oregon fans.

Finally, Alabama snuck past LSU. I don't know why, but I kind of like Alabama. Even though he's sort of slimy I think their coach, Nick Saban, is pretty cute, and I really like a team that has a tradition of wearing funny houndstooth fedoras into the stadium because Bear Bryant liked to wear them too. Like, seriously? I would love to be part of a school that in addition to wearing a bright yellow Superfan shirts, students were also expected to don men's hats for each game. That would be awesome.

Case in point:

I mean, I probably wouldn't pair my hat with knee-high boots, a skirt and a shoulderless top (who knew they made shoulderless tops? What purpose does the missing shoulder part serve?) but you catch my drift. Having a hat like that to wear to football games would be fantastic.

Anyway, Bama's win over LSU puts them in the SEC championship with Florida. It's probably our country's best chance of seeing Tim Tebow cry this year. So I'm officially rooting for the Crimson Tide.

One last thought: last night Clemson pulled out a win against Florida State. It was a good win, but it's not like Florida State was ranked #1 or the win means Clemson will play in the National Championship or something...which is why I don't understand why the student section stormed the field after the game.

Are you celebrating the fact that your team is now bowl-eligible? Because half the teams in the country are going to be bowl-eligible. I'm so confused.

Seriously?

2009-11-07T12:41:00.000-08:00

Let's say for a moment that you're trying to catch up on sleep after a 13-hour work day on a Saturday morning. And let's say that well before the acceptable hour to call a person, someone you weren't even friends with in high school sends you a text to tell you he's getting off the train in South Bend and just wants to tell you so you'll be jealous. And let's say you're not jealous of a person you barely know going to the Notre Dame v Navy game, particularly since the score of that game is currently Navy 14, Notre Dame 0.

This is why I would like there to be a way to block people from calling you or sending you annoying texts at 8:30 a.m. Knowing me, that already exists and I just didn't know about it.

Whatever, all this is to say that Notre Dame is currently losing to Navy, and that is straight embarrassing for Notre Dame and all its opponents this season...

In other news, today's football just isn't that good. BC has a bye, Notre Dame is losing to Navy, and almost every team that matters is playing a team that doesn't matter. I think one of the only good games today is probably Ohio State v Penn State, and I believe that the middle America teams are highly overrated right now.

I mean, I watched Iowa this morning (after being awakened at 8:30 a.m. by an annoying high school classmate) and they had four turnovers in the first half AGAINST NORTHWESTERN. It was so ridiculous that I went to Whole Foods to do some secret shopping (and ended up spending like $100 on a bunch of stuff that doesn't go together, and a lunch bag -- this is my life). Now I look at scores on ESPN and am informed that Iowa, ranked #4 in the country, has lost to Northwestern. I'm sorry, what? I recognize every team has bad days, and yes, Iowa played with a backup freshman QB. But the #4 team in the nation should have a backup quarterback better than the Wildcats' starting quarterback.

Northwestern had 239 yards of offense. Not in the first half, no. In the whole game. This is a team that lost to Syracuse this season. Uncool.

Other than that, I haven't got much to say just now. However, I'm calling the upset -- Stanford will beat Oregon today.

NO HELMETS

2009-11-04T20:29:00.000-08:00

As their team attempts to PR its way into a BCS game ...

Let me present to you a lineup of cute boys stuck living in Boise.

So it's come to this.

2009-11-04T20:10:00.000-08:00

I almost don't want to post anything new so that I can always keep my open letter to U of O at the top.

Alas, all good things must come to an end.

So here are a few talking points you might enjoy:

The WAC has hired a PR firm to try to get Boise State a spot in a BCS bowl. Imagine how psyched the people Boise State employs as public relations officers and sports information directors are about this. And really? If PR works to get Boise State into a top bowl, then that will be pretty much straight proof that the BCS is crap.

Here's a Sports-o-Ween picture from Deadspin, my favorite sports blog. It perfectly sums up the way I think Tim Tebow gets treated. Tacky yes. But accurate, and amusing.

Finally, there was apparently some spat regarding dirty play during the Florida-Georgia game last weekend. And now this guy has decided it would be better if he were to suspend himself for a full game because of his nasty behavior. I'm guessing the dude just doesn't want to bother suiting up against Vanderbilt.

An open letter to U of O fans

2009-11-02T22:40:00.001-08:00

Dear Duck Fans,

First, I would like to congratulate you for your commanding win over Southern Cal on Saturday. I really enjoyed it. In fact, I watched the entire thing because it was so fun to watch the USC defense get dismantled in the way I have long believed possible. You made the Trojans look weak, and also super classy (apparently tough competitors like Pete Carroll don't have to shake hands with the opposing team's coach after the game).

But let's get down to brass tacks: stop being assholes.

Seriously. Let's not forget what led to this victory. You opened up the regular season with a highly anticipated Thursday night game in Boise, in which you were embarrassed 19-8 and attracted a bit of negative attention in the form of your "star" running back punching an opposing player, his own teammate and attempting to go into the stands after a fan.

You then proceeded to make a big show of telling that "star" running back, and the media, that he was suspended for the remainder of the season. And THEN you decided to maybe reinstate him when you realized that he might come in handy in a BCS bowl.

So yes, it was a great win for the program. I mean, sure, the Washington Huskies beat USC already this season, and they were winless last season. But a big win, no doubt.

Here's the problem with the Ducks fans I am currently dealing with here in Oregon: you forget why you hate USC so much.

So let me remind you. You hate USC fans because they're cocky, because they think they're better than you, because they are sure that they'll beat everyone and are poor sports about it when they don't.

Right now? You're acting like them. Instead of basking in a good win, you're acting like you've always been this good, like your team is far superior to USC's. And frankly that's just false. You're a decent program, but statistically you're not doing so hot in the Trojans v. Ducks series... I mean, shit. You lost to USC 44-10 last season. And trust me, I'm not defending USC. I am no fan of the Trojans.

But until you have something to be really proud of, like a Rose Bowl win after 1917 (this is a fact), keep quiet. I'm not suggesting your string of trips to the Holiday Bowl isn't impressive. But maybe take a lesson from my playbook when I root for Boston College: I like to act continually amazed that we win any games at all. Humility will never come back to bite you.

And then win the next four games on your schedule so you're guaranteed a spot in the Rose Bowl instead of suggesting it's a certainty that you're going already.

Sorry. Just wanted to get that off my chest.

Sincerely,
Sheila

Oregon looks dark and cold right now

2009-10-31T07:37:00.000-07:00

ESPN GameDay is at U of O today -- and boy does it look disgusting out there. It's raining, it's dark, and it's 7:30 a.m. Probably not inspiring people to think differently of our state.

Anyway, here's what we're looking at today:

#3 Texas v. #14 Oklahoma State
#5 USC v. $10 Oregon

First, I admit I don't know much about Texas or Oklahoma State, but I do believe that these two teams play in the top conference in the country. As a result, probably a good game, and probably a good look at teams that are going to dominate a bowl or two.

But I have to tell you, I really despise Colt McCoy and his googly eyes. I feel like he's the kind of kid who has been on Texas for 7 years. He just won't go away.

The game I actually care about is USC v Oregon. Here are my thoughts -- the Trojans are not as good as they've been in past years, and are definitely beatable. I mean, based on what I've seen out of Notre Dame the past month or two, if Southern Cal can't beat up on them, then the Trojans are potentially in trouble today.

Oregon has surprised me since their first game debacle, with the ridiculous punch and the getting wiped by Boise State. They've looked quite good, actually. I lost almost all of my (very small amount of) respect for the Ducks when they decided that maybe they'd let LaGarrett Blount play after all, even though they'd said publicly he was done for the season.

But while everyone talks about home field advantage, I will say this: I don't think it's super scary to show up at Autzen Stadium looking for a win. It's not that big a stadium, and even if it was, it's filled with Oregonians. We're not that serious. So I doubt that USC is going to worry about coming into Oregon's territory.

One other note. Best name ever for a college football rivalry? The world's largest outdoor cocktail party -- Florida v Georgia. I mean, I would KILL to have thought that up.

I'm baaaaack...

2009-10-27T19:30:00.001-07:00

Did you think I'd forgotten you? Never.

I have just returned from Chile...I was able to catch one half of the Notre Dame - Boston College game and one half of the Alabama game while abroad. Unfortunately, I had been a bit overserved, so I don't remember much except the shouting at the 40 Irish fans in the bar.

See there's this thing called the Terremoto in Chile. It's a troubling drink -- a scoop of pineapple ice cream, a 16-ounce Solo cup of white wine topped with some Fernet. So those are the main reason I am a little fuzzy on the details.

But I will say this: of what I remember, it was a hideously ugly game, and since Notre Dame won and BC had 5 turnovers, I almost feel glad I missed the majority of it.

Anyway, here's where we stand in Week 9.

There are a surprising number of undefeated teams, including Iowa, Cincinnati and Texas Christian. I'm not as surprised by the other teams, like Alabama and Florida, or even Boise State. But Iowa, from what I hear, is expected to hang in there and be ranked near #1 for the rest of the season. I have a feeling Cincinnati will be beaten by West Virginia or Pitt or someone, and Texas Christian? I have to tell you the Horned Frogs don't really register for me.

Looking at their schedule, there are wins over Clemson (embarrassing, BC!) and Virginia (embarrassing that they're even in the ACC). But other than that and the win over BYU, I'm not too impressed.

Which brings me to a question: does an undefeated season matter if there aren't many worthy opponents? Boise State is a perfect example. They've complained for years that they don't get any respect because they have 10- or 12-win seasons every year and until recently weren't ranked highly. And yes, they're pretty good, but their talents aren't tested very often.

This year the pollsters and coaches and AP writers seem to be paying more attention than ever to lower-level teams. But I think that 9 times out of 10, Florida or Alabama are going to beat the ever-living shit of TCU and Cincinnati.

Anyway, these are my thoughts.

Just kidding

2009-10-09T19:41:00.000-07:00

I failed you. I didn't even watch the Mizzou - Nebraska game. I shouldn't even have a damn blog.

Anyway, I'm going to Chile now.

See you in a couple weeks.

Go Eagles, Go Irish (except when they play the Eagles on the 24th) and Go Va Tech (except when they play the Eagles tomorrow)!

WARNING

2009-10-07T19:53:00.000-07:00

I have to warn all 11 of the people who read my blog.

I'll write after tomorrow's game...but after that, I'll be in CHILE for two weeks and will miss probably three full Saturdays of football.

I apologize.

So much QB discussion!

2009-10-07T19:46:00.001-07:00

Tebow is a game-time decision. Because he almost threw up his brain after a concussion (and "respiratory illness"a couple weeks ago...

Bradford (he's adorable) plans to play this weekend, after he injured himself in the first game of the season (it looked like he broke his collarbone but he just sprained his shoulder).

And Oregon's QB, who really is named Jeremiah Masoli, may be back for this weekend's game, as though anyone really cares. I'm just throwing it out there, but I believe that Oregon will get stomped by Oregon State this year. The Beavers are going to be angry about the Ducks' time in the spotlight.

That's really all I have -- except that I think tomorrow night's matchup looks interesting. Nebraska plays Missouri, and in a shocking twist, both of these teams are actually in the top 25 right now. Nebraska has stunk for several years, so I'm interested to see if they can stick with it this year. And Mizzou, well, I have to be honest, I know nothing about. I guess they're undefeated, and they have beaten mighty Nevada (who as we all know got it handed to them by Notre Dame), and the also serious Illinois. Who knows?

I go with Nevada, but only because my 29-year college football history tells me to never believe the Huskers.

Now that I'm lucid again...

2009-10-04T21:37:00.000-07:00

I really appreciate that after Boston College beats your mediocre team, NOW you're calling for your coach's head. After literally 30-odd years. It isn't as though the Eagles have never beaten the Seminoles before -- you know, we did it last year. And Bowden hasn't known the names of his players for years, so why NOW? It's wonderful to me that a loss to BC is what really offends FSU fans, not the loss to South Florida. (Which to be fair is 5-0. But still.)

Which brings me to my favorite statistic of the weekend: Greg Paulus (yes, the former point guard for Duke who now plays QB for Syracuse) threw five picks in one game against South Florida.

It's like the football equivalent of this:

And now for an I told you so: At the start of the season, I wondered why everyone thought this was UNC's breakout year. UNC is a basketball school, not a football school. And I have never been inclined to think that UNC is interested in being a football school. Yet, at the start of the season, the Heels were ranked #21. In the interim, they've lost to Georgia Tech (okay, I can accept that) and then to Virginia. UVA, I should point out, lost to William and Mary at the start of the year. Until I moved in with a W&M grad last year, I had no idea they even had a football team. The school's mascot is named Ebirt. It's this weird green monster. That's how bad UVA is: they lose to teams with mascots named Ebirt (which for those of you playing at home, is Tribe spelled backwards, which was the school's former, and way cooler, mascot).

One other thing. Look, I appreciate that Oklahoma's star QB is out right now. But let's look at this realistically: Oklahoma is 2-2. The Sooners have lost to both BYU and Miami -- and while this isn't how I like to look at rankings, BYU got its ass handed to it by Florida State (who just lost to BC) and Miami is pretty good but I'm not prepared to say the U is as good as everyone thinks. And yet Oklahoma is ranked #19. Riddle me that, Batman.

NO HELMETS

2009-10-04T08:58:00.001-07:00

Well, his team lost to ND yesterday, but he is pretty much adorable.

Meet Jake Locker from the University of Washington; he's the quarterback and yesterday just wasn't his best day.

As my hangover slowly abates...

2009-10-03T21:01:00.000-07:00

I will try to write a coherent entry here for y'all. Might have to stop though, if my memory comes back at any point.

First, those of you who watched the ND game will understand why I've taken several years off my life. OT last second victory over Washington. It shouldn't have been close; ND had 5 field goals because the Irish couldn't get the ball in the end zone. But they still managed to pull it out, and it was a thrilling game all around.

Boston College also won today, which is bizarre and wonderful. I didn't expect this team to win any games against ACC opponents. And here they are, Eagles on the warpath...

BC was the site of Game Day today, and isn't this incredible? Go on Mark Herzlich, go on!

Also, I'm psyched to see that an arrest has been made in the Erin Andrews nude video case.

In other news, Miami beat Oklahoma tonight, and everyone is all excited and believe this is proof Miami is back. But again, I'd like to point out that Sam Bradford is still not playing for Oklahoma, which I think makes it sort of a moot point.

And I'm guessing since USC whooped up on Cal tonight, that gets rid of the Bears Top 25 ranking.

Okay. I can't do anything else. I need to go to sleep and pretend the past two days never happened. I'll provide more thoughts once I have thoughts again.

I'm too hung over for this

2009-10-03T14:58:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry. I can't do much today, because I am nursing the worst hangover I've had in like five years (which is saying something).

I'm watching Notre Dame try to lose to Washington right now, and can't find the BC game but I understand we're winning.

Here's one thing I have to say: got to love that when Oregon's other running back goes down with an injury, the Ducks all of a sudden think maybe they'll give Blount another chance. Can anyone say BULLSHIT?

Just don't say you're going to suspend the guy for a whole season; say indefinitely, say until further notice. But don't say the whole season and then go back on it. That's just weak.

I would also like to say that I enjoyed watching Tate Forcier and Michigan lose today. And I really enjoyed the Wolverines' fake punt at their own 10 yard line? What were they thinking?

Okay, I'll write more when I can breathe again.

NO HELMETS

2009-10-01T18:05:00.000-07:00

Ladies, let me introduce you to Greg McElroy, the QB for Alabama. This is the best photo I could find of him, but I happen to think he's much cuter. I'm trying to add a little mix in here -- even gingerish boys deserve time in the spotlight.

Bottles of urine; or, why I'm not a big fan of WVU

2009-10-01T17:50:00.001-07:00

I'm no big believer in the West Virginia Mountaineers. I never really supportd them when I was a student at Boston College, but my dislike wasn't really cemented until my sister-in-law, a Virginia Tech die-hard Hokie, told me about the time she'd had a bottle of urine thrown at her during a game.

She was probably wearing a Vick jersey, but still. In my many years of attending college football games, I've had pennies, marshmallows, and other small items thrown at me. I've watched fans at some games throw octopus, which frankly I wouldn't have enjoyed getting slapped with. But I would argue that a damn bottle of urine is officially over the line. Mostly because it is human waste.

Anyway, while I dislike West Virginia, I am currently watching the Colorado - WVU game right now, and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't wish four turnovers in 1.5 quarters on very many schools. Frankly, I'd like to save that wish for Southern Cal or Michigan or someone along those lines.

But really, WVU? Colorado lost to Colorado State and Toledo. That's hard to do. And to be fair, I'm not a big fan of the Buffs either, mostly because I knew a couple real assholes from my rival high school who were recruited to Colorado by Rick Neuheisel, who I really really hate and who should totally be on that webpage about men who look like old lesbians. And I am a huge fan of lesbians -- just ask the Indigo Girls.

Anyway, the other thing I was going to mention here is that the Colorado QB is the coach's son. And I have always wondered how annoyed his teammates get about that.

OH! And I can't believe I forgot to point out that freaking disgusting USC weight room accident:

I seriously can't even deal with the details. They're that gross.

This is the guy who had a big huge weight fall on his neck and crush his larynx etc. Oh God I'm about to barf (like Tim Tebow) right now.

You're sooooo funny, douchebag with sign

2009-09-28T20:54:00.000-07:00

Some people have asked me in the past about Erin Andrews, the sportscaster for ESPN. I demurred a bit, because I have a lot of mixed feelings about Ms. Andrews. I do like what she does, and I think she's good at it.

Then I saw this. And I have to tell you, it made me really angry. I like football, and I am a girl. And I don't like to turn on the television to watch Game Day at the asscrack of dawn in Bend, freaking Oregon where there will be no football played by anyone other than mediocre high school teams, and have to see that. I have a very strong idea of what the guy holding that sign looks like.

I picture someone like Buzz from Home alone, except more hung over and stinky from the previous night's liquor.

This sign officially puts me in the Erin Andrews camp for good. I will disregard all of her sort of bogus in-the-locker-room flirting and the touching of arms during halftime interviews.

Go Erin!

Tebow throws up, too

2009-09-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

Well. it's been an interesting day.

First off, all power to the Boston College Eagles who come back after achieving less than 100 yards of offense last week to beat Wake Forest in OT! I dislike Wake for a few reasons, including that their quarterback is named Riley Skinner, which just seems like a made-up name. As you may recall, I've nursed a long and meaningless grudge against Wake Forest ever since this mean girl threatened to have her boyfriend beat me up after I mocked her school in a Wake Forest bar (who knew? There were Wake Forest bars?). Anyway, proud of the Eagles for bouncing back and I like our 93-year-old quarterback.

In other news, Notre Dame once again had to pull it out in the last freaking second, this time to Purdue (who I should point out lost to both the Oregon Ducks and the Northern Illinois whatever their mascot is). There's nothing worse than leaving your television set for the first time all day at 7 p.m. to go see a movie, thinking the team has the game in hand. And then you discover that they nearly freaking lost! PS I went to see Whip It! And it was freaking awesome.

Tim Tebow was amazing today mostly because after I lost my will to watch him anymore, he proceeded to get jacked by a Kentucky defender, wander around and almost fall down confused, throw up repeatedly as he was being taken into the locker room, and then had to go to the hospital and is staying overnight with a concussion. Man, I guess those "respiratory illness" problems will put you on your back, huh?

And how 'bout those Ducks, eh? I feel like LaMarcus Blount, oh he of the magic sucker punch, is pretty amazed that Oregon is surviving without him. And by surviving I mean knocking the ever living shit out of Cal today, 42-3. I for one am shocked that #6 Bears are unable to even score a touchdown against the Ducks. Though to be fair, their uniforms were pretty ridiculously awesome today. Check these throwback helmets!

Was also impressed by Arizona State today, even if they did lose in the last second to Georgia. Who knew the Sun Devils had it in them? And also I'm really curious about Cincinnati. I guess I rarely hear of a school that is named after a city instead of a state doing well. But now here is Cincinnati and Houston (who beat Texas Tech and are looking like they might be for real).

Favorite fact learned today: when Illinois and (The) Ohio State University play against one another, they play for the Illibuck Trophy, which is a wooden turtle. Interestingly, they used to play for a REAL TURTLE. Fact.

Finally, let me say it did my heart good to see Miami get it beat up on by Virginia Tech. That was fun. It reminded me how much joy I take when I see Miami lose. I take back everything I said that was positive about the Canes. They are the worst.

AND Penn State loses on the day they have their little WHITE OUT, and Florida State loses to freaking South Florida? Man. It's all just too much.

But I think I have to leave you all with this: right now I'm watching ESPN and they are literally doing a courtroom bit where Rece Davis is wearing a judge's robe, Lou Holtz and Mark May are arguing which non-BCS team is best. It makes me sad for them. Do they think no one is watching?

Vomiting before the game

2009-09-26T15:52:00.000-07:00

Seriously -- I'm watching the Florida game right now while I wait for the ND-Purdue and Penn State-Iowa games to start. As a rule I don't watch Florida because I don't like listening to the announcers fellate (as in fellatio) Tim Tebow. It's really embarrassing to me.

Anyway, so I'm watching this and they keep replaying video of a couple Florida players vomiting before the game starts. They obviously have the flu (not a respiratory illness like Florida is claiming while they busily infect everyone on the field), and frankly? I know what the flu looks like. I've experienced a bit of barf in my day. I don't need to watch football players to do it. Just tell me they have the flu and I'll believe it.

Now they're talking about Tim Tebow pretty exclusively because it's 24-0, and here are two annoying facts about Tim Tebow: he sits in on coaches' meetings. He is not a coach.

And also, Tim Tebow has Frank Sinatra on his iPod. Oh holy shit! Can you imagine? These freaking announcers are so desperate to find something new they can share about him that they're willing to suggest that not many players have one of the best-ever musicians on their iPods? I'm sorry. I think that's just straight ridiculous.

And apparently, Tim Tebow just said to his coach: "Feel free to ride me. Ride this horse." I am going to have to turn this off.

Bret Bielema

2009-09-26T12:39:00.000-07:00

Wisconsin Badgers had a decent win over Michigan State today, but seriously I think in the world of less-than-bright-looking people, Wisconsin's head coach Bret Bielema wins the day:

He just NEVER closes his mouth. It's unfortunate.

Other thoughts after the morning games...I think we're going to get REALLY REALLY tired of hearing about Tate Forcier. I am already tired of him. He's the freshman quarterback for Michigan, and he's had some lucky games so far this season. He also has made some real bonehead, freshman mistakes, but I think he'll be pretty good. I just don't know that I can handle listening to people talk about this person as the savior of college football for four years:

I don't foresee him making No Helmets anytime soon.

Those pesky Gamecocks!

2009-09-24T23:12:00.000-07:00

Let me get something out at the start of this post: I hate Steve Spurrier. I don't even have a reason to hate him. I just do. I dislike that his nickname is The Old Ball Coach when there are other, older ball coaches in the game, I dislike this Sports Illustrated story about him from like 15 years ago. If only you could see the picture that ran with that story. It's unbelievable -- he's on an exercise bike in the stadium working out. It will take 10 years off your life.

Anyway, tonight South Carolina beat the holy hell out of Ole Miss, which was surprising since Ole Miss was ranked #4 in the country. The score, 16-10, doesn't really do it justice, since the Rebels' quarterback was like 5 for 15 with 54 yards going into the fourth quarter. It was atrocious. As a side note: the Rebs' QB is named Jevan Snead. For those playing at home, that is not pronounced Je-VAHN. It is apparently pronounced Jevan, like Kevin. What?

More amazing yet: the head coach of Ole Miss is named HOUSTON NUTT. I can't make this stuff up. It's too good to be true.

Here's something interesting about the loss: apparently Ole Miss has an outbreak of swine flu on campus and like 30 of its players were out last week. And I read a really interesting article about swine flu and sports and how most schools are recommending that kids be away from other kids until they've been fever-free for 24 hours, and yet here we've got all these kids suiting up with "flu-like symptoms" and spreading them to their teammates. I get it: it's college football, you're on scholarship, sack up and play. And yet. Seems like maybe you'd want to quarantine your random 3rd-string punter so he doesn't give swine flu to your starting QB. Such a dilemma!

Lastly, dear sad USC fan pointed this out to me a few days ago and I have been remiss in not including it: an Oregon fan pissed about his team's performance against Boise State sent a letter to the new coach, Chip Kelly, along with an invoice for the $439 he spent on travel and accommodations and tickets. Chip Kelly sent him a check.

I can't decide whether I should write Chip Kelly to tell him I want that portion of my cable bill back or not. But I'm going to call it even, because the endless replays of that dumbass Blount sucker-punching the Idahoan totally made up for the crappy game.

Whoa health problems

2009-09-22T20:38:00.000-07:00

So if you've ever wondered if college football is brutal, then let me show you the top stories on ESPN.com today:

That would be seven of the top 10 stories. I just saw that and thought it was interesting. It's not like I have anything interesting to say; it would be pretty ridiculous of me to say that these guys shouldn't be practicing so much or playing so hard because they're getting hurt. Because you know what? If they weren't practicing so much or playing so hard I wouldn't want to watch them so much.

Anyway. Just a thought.

I don't have much to say. But I was considering the segment, No Helmets. Now, I am a big fan of a solidly hot football player. I was just thinking, I am getting a little old to be checking out a 19-year-old. So I was curious whether any of you believe there are some hot coaches out there that we could also feature? I'm taking suggestions.

NO HELMETS

2009-09-20T19:49:00.000-07:00

In honor of Michael Floyd, the star receiver for ND who is out the rest of the season with a broken collarbone, check him out. I think he's pretty darn cute:

And here's the Top 25 for ya.

1. Florida
2. Texas
3. Alabama
4. Mississippi
5.Penn State
6. Cal
7. LSU
8. Boise State
9. Miami
10. Oklahoma
11. Virginia Tech
12. USC
13. Ohio State
14. Cincinnati
15. TCU
16. Oklahoma State
17. Houston
18. Florida State
19. Brigham Young
20. Kansas
21. Georgia
22. North Carolina
23. Michigan
24. Washington
25. Nebraska

Sucks to...

2009-09-20T19:47:00.000-07:00

This is the greatest thing I've ever seen:

One of the best parts about being a BC fan was how easy it was to mock BU.

Holy smokes

2009-09-19T21:10:00.000-07:00

Well, folks, today was not a good day to be a Boston College fan. An ugly 25-7 loss made worse by how long it went on due to lightning storm delays. Seriously? It was so bad, I wondered if they could just call it after the 3rd quarter.

Here's how you know your team sucks: 54 yards of offense. Nope, that's not how many yards our quarterback (who by the way is named TUGGLE) had; that's how many yards our entire team had through the entire game. Yuck.

So I wash my hands of Boston College today, and I move onto USC's seriously pathetic loss to Washington, 16-13. My dad always reminds me that the Millers are supporters of a Husky-free Northwest. That said, I gotta give it to the Dawgs tonight, pulling off the last-second win over Southern Cal. The Trojans were ranked #3 in the country. I think everyone knew, after last week, that USC was beatable. They are not the Trojans of previous years, at least. But being close late against USC is dangerous -- they're the kind of team that makes big plays, the kind of team you watch and are like, see? Now why can't we do that? (We being whoever you're rooting for who inevitably fumbles on 3rd and 1 or throws an interception in the end zone).

So that was an enjoyable part of the night. Particularly because when things don't go Pete Carroll's way, this is what he looks like (note the mock turtleneck):

The interesting part of this game, I think, is the Washington story. This team won NO games last year. Literally, 0-12. So now this new coach (who used to be an offensive coordinator for USC -- ouch, now that stings!) shows up to replace Ty Willingham (another story for another day) and his team puts up a big game against LSU, then goes out two weeks later and beats USC? Wow. That's awesome.

Anyway, that wasn't the only fun part of the day. You guys remember BYU's Bronco Mendenhall? Yeah, BYU was ranked #7 in the country, then went out and were summarily dismantled by Florida State, 54-28. I support putting Mormons where they belong. So. Goodbye Bronco. Back to the WAC for you.

And then there was Virginia Tech. My brother was at the game; he brings a little TV to watch the ND game at the VT games, it's kind of adorable. He'd texted me to say the VT game was disappointing, and I was hanging out with my parents and saw the score was 15-10 with less than a minute to go, so I'd sort of given up hoping the Hokies would beat Nebraska.

And then I received this sort of panicky, ridiculous screaming phone call from him telling me he'd just witnessed the greatest game except for the 2005 ND-USC game, which I didn't really understand because USC beat ND in the last second of that game with the Bush Push. And then I saw that they'd beaten the Huskers after all. Pretty awesome. My mom told him to stay out of jail and he yelled "NOT BY MUCH!" and hung up on me. So I'm hoping that he doesn't have another incident in which we get kicked out of Buffalo Wild Wings at like 7:30 p.m. after he runs up, slaps the TV and tells the entire bar to fuck off for rooting against ND.

ND also pulled off a win today, but not by much. Their best receiver broke his collarbone too. Which is annoying.

Alright, I leave you with this side-by-side comparison, brought to my attention by a grieving USC fan who was probably hoping one of Colt McCoy's googly eyes would be gauged out today (alas, not to be).

Check out weird turtle-face, googly-eye Tyler Hansbrough (who has a super super annoying commercial out right now), and his equally not-smart-looking doppelganger, Colt McCoy:

I probably could have found a better comparison shot but this one of Tyler made me laugh a lot.

Goodnight, girls! Tomorrow I'll look for a good No Helmets...

Clemson

2009-09-18T16:39:00.000-07:00

First, a little too late, Big Ten officials: Mouton suspended for punch

Tomorrow, Boston College will take on Clemson.

In a shocking twist, I have some thoughts on this game. First, I think it's likely to be ugly; I've yet to be convinced that BC is any good, and that goes for Clemson as well.

I really like Clemson -- I went to a game down there a few years ago and it was a lot of fun. They know, like very few schools do, how to tailgate. Alas, they're nowhere near as good at flip cup as my epic team from 2005. But just because we beat Clemson fans 21-0 at flip cup doesn't mean that Clemson kids don't know how to party.

But I digress.

Clemson had two really good running backs the past couple years, and they referred to themselves as Thunder and Lightning. One of them is still around: CJ Spiller, or Lightning. I know I'll regret saying this, but Lightning has carried 24 times for less than 100 yards. I expect more.

Also, they've got a pretty good receiver named Jacoby Ford. Which makes me kind of happy because, as all girls know, Jacoby Ellsbury is adorable and a Red Sox outfielder. Who knew there were two Jacobys in the world? Fascinating.

Anyway, those are your two people to keep an eye on. This game starts at 9 a.m. on my coast, so I'll be keeping an eye on morning beers and maybe some eggs and bacon.

Go Eagles!

And as a final note, I already regret yesterday's post, because I just came across this photo on www.deadspin.com. If you don't know Deadspin, it is way way better than my blog. I was kidding. I hate Miami, I hate Miami's fans, I hate everything about the school. Sick sick sick.

Miami -- Georgia Tech: or, why Randy Shannon might save us all

2009-09-17T23:00:00.000-07:00

I'm going to be honest with you girls.

I didn't watch the Georgia Tech v. Miami game tonight, because I was at work until 8 p.m. writing a probably unreadable opus about the No Child Left Behind Act. Seriously. That's my excuse.

That said, I took the time to read up on it and watch the highlights, and this is what I've gleaned: the ACC is totally going to suck this year.

Case in point: Georgia Tech stuns Clemson. Miami stuns Georgia Tech. Who will now stun Georgia Tech? NC State? This does not bode well. Every conference needs the teams that dominate, and the teams that are foils off of which those teams can rack up massive yardage. Or, alternatively, there must be a bunch of really good teams. Instead, it appears that this year the ACC will feature a bunch of really mediocre teams, and the result will be that everyone beats everyone else, then the ACC Champion will go to the BCS bowl and be stomped upon.

The ACC wasn't very good last year. I mean, they can't hold a candle to the SEC, for example. But it kind of annoys me that right after BC left the Big East, that annoyingly large conference decided to have a bunch of breakout teams. As a rule, I will always believe that Rutgers was overrated. Still, it's kind of weird, right? Back when Boston College was in the Big East, we knew our place. We snuck up a bit on some of the really good teams, we beat up on Rutgers, then we lost our chance to go to the BCS bowls by losing to Syracuse by like 7 touchdowns.

So what's next? If one of the traditional powerhouses in the ACC loses to Duke, what remains sacred? It will be like dogs and cats living together. Anarchy. Then Tom O'Brien will start going for it on 4th downs or something. It's nonsensical. I won't be able to keep it straight.

Also, here's the first thing that should come to your mind when you see Miami start winning games: NCAA violations, free shoes, impending murder probably about to take place on campus, grading scandal.

But I actually think (hope) that could be changing, thanks to their coach, Randy Shannon. He's had a couple tough years getting the program going, but can you blame him? He's seemingly trying to do it without letting his team be overrun by guys like this:

Miami - Florida International brawl set to music

Here's how Donna Shalala describes Shannon on the Miami web site: "Randy Shannon is Miami - tough, disciplined, smart, caring, passionate, enthusiastic, and no-nonsense."

Now I don't particularly think of Miami as any of those things, but if Randy Shannon is like that, then more power to him.

And check out this (awesome and incredibly well-written) profile of him in Sports Illustrated a while back: Hiding in Plain Sight

I hope he's the real deal. I also hope that BC lays Miami out at the end of the season.

A few thoughts before Thursday night

2009-09-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

First off:

Today Myles Brand, the NCAA president who did a few really awesome things, died of cancer at age 67.

One of the cool things he did before he took over the NCAA, that probably surprised a lot of people, was that he tried to make Bobby Knight stop being an asshole. When it became clear that no one could keep Bobby Knight from being an asshole, he fired him.

Then he went to the NCAA and made valiant attempts to remind schools that their NCAA players were "student-athletes."

You can read his full obit here: Myles Brand

A few things I would really like to see from the next NCAA president: a push to actually enforce Title IX, and to really knock the shit out of schools that use kids who are great athletes but not bright students, then throw them away without graduating. That bothers me a lot.

Okay, now for some football...

First off: In a shocking twist, Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez tells everyone (without tears this time) that he didn't see his players being jerks. Which is hard to believe, since he apparently sees his players for 10 hours each day. Ha! I slay me!

In other news: Jim Tressel, oh he of the sweater vest and continuous losses to Top 10 teams, is under some fire because he apparently isn't so hot at calling plays but insists on doing so. I'm a big believer in accepting what you're good at and knowing your weaknesses. And Tressel's greatest strength is, say it with me, wearing sweater vests.

Lastly, I really didn't enjoy the entire preseason being about Tim Tebow and how spectacular he was and how much every male sportswriter wanted to be him or be with him. I mean, the kid's still at Florida but they've already enshrined his "speech" that he gave after the Gators' loss to last fall on the entrance of the football stadium. That, in my opinion, is like retiring someone's jersey when they're still in school.

The speech, by the way, indicates to me that while I'm sure he's both sweet and bright, he's not a communications major.

Now, Florida is currently 2-0, but they haven't played anyone yet. I think they'll be spectacular again this year. But I'd like everyone to stop freaking out about Tim Tebow. Like, you know, NFL teams already talking to him before the Gators have even seen an SEC opponent this year. Yes, he's likely to be a great pro quarterback (like Matt Ryan!). But let's just wait it out, huh?

Also, and this is for Jess, I do accept nominations for No Helmets.

Apparently, I'm a whiner. That said, here's a hot guy.

2009-09-13T23:03:00.000-07:00

Well I've been informed that I am just oversensitive about ND and that the refs are perfect in every way. I've also been watching the VMAs tonight, and I have some things to say:
1) Pink, if I don't like your song when you're singing it on the floor, I'm not going to like it when you're swinging in the sky.
2) Lady Gaga, you are terrifying.
3) Kanye West, you're a huge huge jerk. Even if you're right.

Now then, on with the show.

This poor cutie broke his jaw this week, and so for that he will be honored tonight with the NO HELMETS award.

Ladies, meet Kevin Prince, the QB for UCLA. Poor little fella.

Let's define a hold, since apparently Big 10 officials are unclear.

2009-09-12T16:29:00.000-07:00

So I just watched ND lose to Michigan. I am clearly not pleased with this game, for a variety of reasons.

Charlie Weis's playcalling in the Irish's final possession was terrible -- two minutes remain and you decide to throw twice, thereby allowing the clock to stop after each incompletion. Super smart.

But more than that, if Michigan is curious who to thank for their big win, I think that should go to the Big 10 officiating crew who handed it to them. I am not big on excuses, but I would like to point out several things:

1) ND was called for holds throughout the game, which is fine. A hold, for those uninitiated, is when an offensive player uses his hands while blocking. I am in no way saying ND didn't hold. What I'm interested in is why Michigan holds were so rarely called. Here's a sure way to know there's holding taking place: there's a gigantic hole, and no one seems to be even remotely in the area of the runner. Or you are watching the game and you see a lineman literally grabbing the defense. Yes, you saw a lot of that when Michigan got big runs.

2) Excessive celebration by Armando Allen. You tell me that what he did isn't something you see on a regular basis in all college games, and I will eat my hat.

I am actually too angry to even point out that the clock changed from 11, to 10, to 9 seconds when the ball was untouched on the kickoff. And I'm also too angry to explain why Boubakar Cissuko (who was destroyed by Michael Floyd today) should have received several pass interference penalties.

Suffice it to say I will now be rooting ever harder for the earth to open up and swallow both the Ohio State and Southern Cal teams today.

Uncanny lookalikes

2009-09-12T11:49:00.001-07:00

Here's a look at why I refer to Boston College as having Tom Selleck for a head coach...

Now then.

Here's another thing I love about Boston College today. I mean, aside from the fact that they're destroying the mighty Kent State -- and to be clear, I've decided to support their attacks on creampuff teams this year because I have a feeling they're going to have a tough rest of the season...

Last year, ACC Defensive Player of the Year Mark Herzlich was diagnosed with cancer. He's taking this season off (it's possible he'll never play football again) and is enrolled at BC, although he's in the midst of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. So here's why I love Boston College:

100 percent of proceeds go to the American Cancer Society to support research on Ewing's Sarcoma, which is the type of cancer Herzlich is suffering from. Go Eagles!

Predictions.

2009-09-11T08:01:00.000-07:00

Nothing makes me want to hand out a couple predictions than when I listen to 70's soft rock.

And so here we are. There are three decent games this weekend, which to my mind is not enough. But we'll make the best of it, shall we?

First, there's the ND-Michigan game. People seem surprised that I'm not out shit-talking Michigan already and saying ND will win by 40. Well, I've learned through the years both as a BC and an ND fan that this early in the season, confidence is a dangerous thing. I mean, I think ND looked really good last weekend (the belted gut of Charlie Weis aside).

I didn't watch the Michigan game because I happen to hate Michigan. But I'm told by some of the commies in my office who actively root for the Wolverines that they looked strong as well. But it's hard to tell -- ND played Nevada, which is supposed to have one of the strongest offenses in the nation but looked like what I imagine BU would look like if they could rustle up a football team. Michigan played the ever-mighty Western Michigan, and dominated them as well. Interesting fact: Western Michigan's mascot, like the BYU coach, is the Broncos. Ha!

So I just worry that it's a bit early for any of us to believe that this is the year Michigan and ND will renew a decent rivalry or play solid football.

But just for argument's sake, let me say that I believe the game will be: ND 27, Michigan 17.

And for further argument's sake, here's an interesting take by the WSJ: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203440104574401173835870970.html

As for USC - Ohio State, I think last week's near-loss to Navy spells trouble for Ohio State. I mean, you invite a service academy to your school for one reason: to pad your schedule by beating the tar out of our future national heroes. To be fair, football players who attend Navy, Army, etc., they've got some other things going on in their lives and school schedules. However, the Midshipmen very nearly defeated Ohio State, so that one didn't go as planned for the Buckeyes (worst freaking mascot ever). USC will dominate. I am expecting 35-7? That seems about right.

And then there's the Tennessee - UCLA. I really could care less about either of these teams, but I have a hard time swallowing the idea that two teams from LA are good. So I choose to imagine Tennessee taking a strong strong stand against UCLA, particularly since it's in Rocky Top. So let's just go ahead and admit it: the Pac-10 is more Oregon State than USC, if you know what I mean. I call Tennessee by at least 14.

Friends, I'll see you tomorrow for Game Day.

Oh for God's sake...

2009-09-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

Like a U.S. representative inappropriately booing and heckling the President during his address, I have some grievances to share and can think of no better time.

Here's your AP Top 25 this week.
1. Florida
2. Texas
3. USC
4. Alabama
5. Oklahoma State
6. Mississippi
7. Penn State
8. Ohio State
9. Brigham Young
10. California
11. LSU
12. Boise State
13. Oklahoma
14. Virginia Tech
15. Georgia Tech
16. TCU
17. Utah
18. Notre Dame
19. North Carolina
20. Miami
21. Georgia
22. Nebraska
23. Cincinnati
24. Kansas
25. Mizzou

I find polls to be a pain in the butt for a number of reasons. First, after a first week when teams like Nebraska and Penn State went out and dominated weak, weak opponents, they're rewarded when it's unclear yet whether they're good enough to beat real teams.

Then you've got BYU, which beat Oklahoma thanks I'm guessing in part to the Heisman Trophy Winner's game-ending (four-game ending) shoulder injury.

Or, for example, you've placed Cincinnati in the top 25 because they beat Rutgers handily. I get that Rutgers was supposed to be good, but they sure didn't look good. So what makes everyone believe that Cincy will be any good the next 11 games of the season? And finally, Boise State takes down Oregon but not without having three turnovers in the game. So they're now ranked 12th? It just seems early to be making statements.

Especially when those statements include Ohio State (which very nearly lost to Navy) dropping only two spots.

Christian Ponder

2009-09-07T19:07:00.000-07:00

Another in the series I call...

NO HELMETS

Christian Ponder, the quarterback for Florida State University.

Miami - Florida State; or, why college football got a bad rap

2009-09-07T18:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight's main event and last remaining joy of the Labor Day Weekend comes in the form of the Miami - Florida State game.

There was a time when this game would have been a showstopper, something most fans would have dropped everything to check out.

That time has passed, partly because the teams, when playing by the rules, just aren't as good as they used to be.

1) Miami: This is a school that's consistently broken the rules over the past 20 years

For the past couple years, it's seemed like the U is trying to turn themselves around, although that massive brawl with Florida International, in which I was fortunate enough to watch one Miami player stamp on an FIU player's head.

2) Florida State: And the Hurricanes aren't alone in their problems

Florida State has had its share of problems. Right now it's clear to me at least that Bobby Bowden doesn't do much actual interacting with his players, and as a result his "student-athletes" spent a lot of time getting away with not actually attending classes.

Now, one of my favorite Sports Illustrated covers of all times:

For those of you unfamiliar with the magazine's reasoning (in 1995), here's a highlight. The article was written as an open letter to the university's president:

During the past decade your school enrolled and suited up at least one player who had scored a 200 on his verbal SAT—the number you get for spelling your name correctly. An on-campus disturbance, involving some 40 members of the football team, required 14 squad cars and a police dog to quell. Fifty-seven players were implicated in a financial-aid scandal that the feds call "perhaps the largest centralized fraud upon the federal Pell Grant program ever committed." And among numerous cases of improper payments to players from agents was one in which the nondelivery of a promised installment led a Hurricane player to barge into an agent's office and put a gun to his head.

The illegal acts with which your Hurricanes have been charged run the gamut from disorderly conduct and shoplifting to drunken driving, burglary, arson, assault and sexual battery. Surely you read the exhaustive and chilling piece about your football program in The Miami Herald of May 18. That paper's reporters did the math: No fewer than one of every seven scholarship players on last season's team has been arrested while enrolled at your university.

Anyway, I really enjoyed that, even though it was 14 years ago. I'm guessing it's only a matter of time before a similar story is written about USC, though SI will have to decide between writing the open letter about its football program or its basketball program. How to pick between Reggie Bush and OJ Mayo?

Let's have a talk about a coach named Bronco

2009-09-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's correct. BYU is coached by a man named Bronco Mendenhall.

First let's be straight: I don't think BYU would have won if Oklahoma's Heisman-winning QB hadn't gone down with a shoulder injury during the first half. And so the random people who root for Brigham Young University should hold off on their decision that this is their redemption year.

The game aside, I'd like to talk about what Bronco Mendenhall's resume must look like. Like, my resume has my name in large letters at the top. So. Does he have the same? Also of note, he used to work as offensive coordinator under a man named Rocky. So the main coaches at New Mexico State during that period of time were named Bronco and Rocky.

I keep a list of names on my desk of children we meet at the paper who have ridiculous names. Bronco would make that list. I always wonder what a person who is named Bronco would have been like with the name Carl, or Phil. I'm guessing not a football coach.

***

A few other thoughts -- ND looked great today, as did a variety of other schools (USC, BC, Florida, etc). The change in Notre Dame (and in Michigan, to be fair) is that the Irish looked crisp. They didn't turn over the ball, they didn't look confused, and they protected their QB. If you can do that, you'll win your games.

Based on today's play, I would guess USC destroys Ohio State next weekend. OSU barely pulled off the win against Navy. If you can't handily beat a service academy, you're not in a good position.

I was thrilled to see Paulus fail in his attempt at an OT win today. Yes, I am a bad person for wishing ill on a person I've never met.

Shoutout to Ming for rightly pointing out that, should Sam Bradford need a nurse to help him recover after his injury today, there are plenty of ladies out there willing to head for Oklahoma...

Last thing I'm curious about: what is the deal with UNC? I have always assumed that the Heels would suck at football. When I see them on BC's schedule, I skip over it. And yet, they're currently ranked, and that's weird to me. So I'm curious what everyone is seeing. When did this team get good?

Person to dislike on opening Saturday

2009-09-05T08:57:00.000-07:00

I can't BELIEVE I failed to point this out.

Here you go:

Greg Paulus, Syracuse QB

Now some of you who don't pay much attention to sports are saying, but Sheila that's a picture of the super super annoying point guard for Duke who lost his starting job at the end of his senior year. And to that I say, yes. Yes it is.

Greg Paulus is now starting quarterback for Syracuse. And I know this makes me sound like a bad person, but he's tops on my list of people I hope face a career-ending knee injury in their first game. I think it will be interesting to see how he deals with this sport; he can't really flop quite as much.

Oh and for the record, on his first play at scrimmage, the snap went over his head and Syracuse lost the ball.

For the USC fans.

2009-09-04T23:24:00.000-07:00

I am not a USC fan. I am quite the opposite. And so I like to think that this very talented safety will be suspended or will somehow violate NCAA rules very soon. But until then, I am a huge fan of Taylor Mays, another in our series...

NO HELMETS

The muscles alone are spectacular, and we all know I love me a big man. But holy smokes if those thighs don't just make a girl want to be a cheerleader. Okay, I'm done.

Here it comes...

2009-09-04T22:53:00.000-07:00

So I have like 19 things to say, and luckily there are like 6 people out there who are interested. Lucky for them I'm not calling them right now, at 11 p.m. on a Friday when I've had several sweet tea vodka and lemonades. Which reminds me, friends. Go get yourself some sweet tea vodka. You will not regret it.

Now then:

First off, LaGarrette Blount (again, totally a real name, not a pseudonym) is suspended for the season. And as you can imagine, I have some thoughts on this. So Mr. Blount is suspended but remains on the team and maintains his scholarship, etc. To be fair, this is his last year of eligibility, so he's screwed either way, will likely not be drafted to the NFL (I'm sorry but he wouldn't have been drafted either way, as long as you're not talking to Duck fans). Here's my problem: I don't make much money. But much of the money I do make goes to taxes, and a small small percentage of that? Yeah, it goes to University of Oregon, because it's a public university. And while I'm pretty sure that Nike co-founder Phil Knight is probably paying the vast majority of sports scholarships at U of O, I do have a bit of a problem with the idea that a person who just threw several punches on national television continues to go to school for free. I mean, if I'd gotten the very prestigious right to attend college in Eugene, OR (I didn't apply, to be clear, but was accepted) I would have had to pay. And to be clear: I never once threw a punch at anyone during my college years, nor did I lose five yards in eight carries. So. Mr. Blount is getting a free education in spite of all this. And since I cover education in my real job, I see an awful lot of very smart, talented young people every day deciding to attend community college in lieu of attending a much more expensive state college. And I don't think that's fair.

Another thing. This evening I watched a 20/20 about Amish teenagers doing their creepy "wilding" thing, and first I have to tell you that this obviously means I have a hugely exciting social life here in Bend, OR. Secondly, these teens' troubled decisions about whether to go out into the world and buy cell phones and listen to rock music and use zippers or return home and rock the straw hat was an interesting experience for me because it sort of reminded me of what it was like to decide whether to root for Notre Dame.

That was the longest sentence I've ever published.

Now, I was raised to love Notre Dame, and I do. I love the school. I went to at least one game there each year starting in eighth grade. My first game was ND - USC, when ND beat USC by I believe a field goal. That was like 1993, and I am too hot on sweet tea vodka-lemonade to promise you that I'm correct in that statement. But still.

I also attended an ND-BC game my junior year of high school, before I discovered that Boston College is one of the coolest places on earth. And at that event, we watched several rowdy BC fans pass out drunk during the fourth quarter, and my mother was horrified. Little did she know.

Anyway, my point is this: like the Amish, all ND fans must eventually make a decision: does a person continue to root for the Irish after seeing what else is out there in the world? When they see that some schools don't play by the rules, don't stick by a coach that isn't winning because he embodies their ideals, but instead go for the win time after time and get it? Does a person continue to root for the Irish after years of indoctrination because they really really care about the school, or because they are just straight up too mangled from so many years of brainwashing that they don't know any better?

I feel I'm a great example. I rooted for the Irish from birth. Then I didn't get in. And frankly, in retrospect? Greatest thing that ever happened to me. I didn't have to live in South Bend, I got to go to BC and clearly that was epic. And now I've returned to the fold, like a little Amish teenager after a wilding of Bud Light and jail time for setting buggies on fire. I root for them for a couple reasons: they're in my soul, and they're my ideal. I dream of a day when BC can get that many people to show up to a road game. I long for the days of 1988, when I wore an awesome gold sweatsuit and pranced around through a national championship season, blithely unaware that this historic event would not again happen for at least 21 years, probably 40.

Anyway, a huge GO IRISH to ND tomorrow against Nevada. I don't think they'll need it, but they're definitely not going to cover the spread, particularly not with that clown Jimmy Clausen running the QB position. I call ND by 7, but way too close for comfort. As for VTech, I'm calling them over Alabama because I think Nick Saban is a stinker. And other than that, I have no idea. I mean, BC better beat Northeastern. But really? If we can't beat a I-AA team, we don't deserve to win. OK. I'm done.

A final thought, from a brilliant sports columnist: http://www.oregonlive.com/sports/oregonian/john_canzano/index.ssf/2009/09/canzano_legarrette_blount_has.html

Roast Duck

2009-09-03T22:46:00.000-07:00

Boise State 19, Oregon 8

A few thoughts on tonight's game, which featured the least interesting of Oregon's hideous uniforms (above), which please note GLOW IN THE DARK. First, when I tell you Boise State wins by 10 and they win by 11, well, I'm prescient. Now then:

1) This was a sloppy game. First half was great, with Boise State going up early and looking dominant, but the second half was not so hot. I like watching Oregon get beat, but I'd much rather see a decent game with fewer miscues.

2) I like Boise State, I really do. They're consistently fun to watch, they always show up for big games, and any team that can pull 35,000 people to a game on a Thursday night has some solid fans. But a team that only has to perform for one game all season because the rest of their games are against football powerhouses like New Mexico State, Idaho and UC Davis probably shouldn't start the coronation just yet. This was literally the first time a ranked opponent has played at Boise State during the regular season. That's a problem.

3) Nothing like the class act moment at the end when the Ducks' LaGarrette Blount (yes, that's a real name) punched a BSU player in the chin and had to be carried off the field by his coaches after going into the stands after a couple fans. You lost. Again. And he ought to be kicked off the team for the season simply for the negative press that he's given U of O. Also, just for the record, this is a person who tonight carried eight times for -5 yards. Mm hmm.

4) Also, who gives Bob Davie a microphone? He had some really incredible things to say tonight, but my very favorite tonight was when he said he'd been in Chip Kelley's shoes before (when Kelley's team was down 19-0 early). Yep, you have, Bob. And that's why you're talking about football instead of coaching it.

In other news, today Jeff Jagodzinski was fired by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers before the NFL season even started. For those of you not particularly fascinated by Boston College football, allow me to fill you in. Jagodzinski came to BC two seasons ago and immediately made a splash, with big-win seasons and Matt Ryan in the Heisman hunt. Unlike our previous coach, Tom O'Brien, Jags liked to go for it on fourth down. He was a fun coach to watch with lots of tricks up his sleeve. And then he got fired by BC for taking an NFL interview with the Jets. He wasn't going to get the job, but it was a nice gesture, essentially an NFL team saying, 'Hey, this guy's doing good work at BC and we'd like to give him a shout-out.'

I didn't support the firing, because I thought Jags did great things for our program. But now, before the year even starts, Jags is fired from Tampa Bay where he'd taken over as offensive coordinator. Man. I don't know what the deal is, but it's pretty interesting. I'm curious about what our boy Gene DeFilippo is thinking right now. Or what he'll be thinking after BC barely beats Northeastern on Saturday...

Damn...

2009-09-02T22:42:00.001-07:00

Another in the series I call...

NO HELMETS

Troy Smith, ladies. To be fair, this is an Ohio State man. Which doesn't particularly give me pause, because without a helmet, he's super super hot. He plays for the Baltimore Ravens these days. And holy smokes is really the only thing I can say.

One day more...

2009-09-02T19:12:00.000-07:00

Well, friends, the time has almost come.

Tonight is like Christmas Eve for football fans. To get it out there: Boise State by 10 tomorrow night. I tend to root against the Ducks, as a rule.

But for me, Christmas has already come, in the form of a fantastic Rich Rodriguez dressing-down over the past few days. If you haven't seen this news, here you go: University of Michigan's current players told a Detroit Free Press reporter how hard they'd been working, that they'd been putting in NCAA-violation hours...I mean, can you imagine being this reporter? You're sitting there like, really? Tell me more, kids.

Of course, Mr. Rodriguez, who I would like to point out went 3-9 last season in his first year as coach, blames the media for this indiscretion. I mean, aside from the fact that he cried during the press conference, he basically said he cared a lot about his players and didn't understand why that wasn't the story here.

Um, because you cheated. And yes, other programs cheat. I'm sure of it, in fact. But that doesn't make it right. And of course, everyone's favorite abuser of the sweater vest, Jim Tressel, says it's really hard to keep kids from working hard to get better at a sport. Here's a theory: you tell them the rules, and tell them to follow the rules. You're the coach, you set the guidelines and the expectations.

Anyway, that was a highlight of my weekend, although the true highlight of my weekend was teaching a two-year-old to do a Michael Jackson "whoo!" whenever I sang Beat It.

Today I was handed this little dream, which I find truly entertaining because if I had the money, I would totally post billboards around the country when the mood struck: http://sportsbybrooks.com/angry-fans-unite-to-bash-charlie-weis-via-billboard-25892

2009-08-27T18:20:00.000-07:00

The first entry in a series I like to call...

No Helmets

Brady Quinn, former QB for Notre Dame. Now plays (sometimes) for the Cleveland Browns.

Seven days to go

2009-08-27T17:48:00.000-07:00

Let's get it straight right now. Girls do like football, particularly college football. Girls who say they don't like football don't realize that it is a vehicle for grilled meat products and Bloody Marys and beer and wearing cute t-shirts to support their colleges. Girls who say they don't like grilled meat products and beer are not worth your time.

And so, because I know so many girls who like college football and claim to want to hear my musings on the subject, I'm going to write a blog on the subject. I was raised on college football, waking up every Saturday morning to watch it (Oregon, so it came on at 9 a.m.).

I should state here, right up front, that this is not a bias-free blog about college football. I have some pretty serious opinions about teams, mostly the ones I hate.

So let's check off the teams I don't like, and that I will give only grudging respect this season and only if they really really deserve it:

--USC
--Ohio State
--Florida
--Miami
--Michigan
--Wake Forest (one of these things is not like the other. I'll explain, I promise)

Teams I will root for openly and with heartache, no doubt:

--Boston College
--Virginia Tech
--Notre Dame (again, I'll explain. I promise)

Some background: I attended Boston College, and my sister-in-law attended VTech and I went to many Tech games to watch the Eagles get served up a massive ass-whooping. I grew up in a Notre Dame family. Like, the whole family. I have a love-hate relationship with their football team, although these days there's just not that much to bother hating. They've lost to Boston College for what, six consecutive years? They still manage to feel really really superior to my school, which I find amusing. But I do love them, and unless they're playing BC I'm going to root for them.

I live in Oregon, and not anywhere near a place that would hold a major football stadium. When you live among Ducks and Beavers, here's what you hear a lot of: oh this is the big year! This is finally our time!

Let me break it to those fans. No it isn't. It just isn't. The Ducks will lose at least three games, as usual, and wear ridiculous uniforms with silver wings on the shoulders and show up to games wearing all the colors of the rainbow but their own. The Beavers meanwhile will knock off a team or two that are decent, then lose to someone worthless like Hawaii. It's just what they do.

And if you wonder why I hate Wake Forest, it stems from being tricked into attending a friendly Boston College football event on a Saturday night in New York City in 2006 which turned out to be held at a Wake Forest bar (are there such things? Who knew?) and which featured the most obnoxiously lame group of girls I've ever sat next to. It culminated in the Eagles' second loss of the season, and a subsequent near fist-fight between a small girl with an ugly boyfriend and myself.

If you learn one thing from this blog, it will be that I dislike girls who claim to like and understand football, but do this only for boys' sakes. I don't understand why people date these girls.

And don't get me started on USC. That requires another post entirely.