Cheating

I'm trying really hard to remain naive about the dirty world of college athletics.

But these are getting in my way:

• Cam Newton allegedly seeking out a six-figure payment to play for Mississippi State.
• Josh Luchs coming clean on paying college players
• And pretty much everything Michigan does.

Then I read these articles, and I'm really confused and interested. Essentially what it says is, college scholarship athletes often still have to pay part of their tuition. I recognize that a couple thousand dollars is a lot of money to pay each year if you're from a tough background. Heck, it's a lot for anyone. But it's also a hell of a lot cheaper than it would be if you didn't have a scholarship. I guess I'm torn about this one.

I saw the football boys in the dining hall in college; those kids were not worried about running out of money to spend on food. They were eating like 4 plates of exploding chicken and drinking bedwetters of milk.

There's a committee that's recommended allowing athletes to take out more aid-based loans, and I guess that would help a bit.

Anyway, just an interesting situation: these kids shouldn't be soliciting money from agents and boosters. But how much money do they realistically need to attend their colleges? Is a free college education enough?

I've been remiss

I admit it.

I've been remiss in my duties as best female sports blogger recently.

I'll try harder.

Here are some thoughts: Oregon is good. I can admit it. They make the NCAA look like a video game. It's awesome. I wish I liked the Ducks so I could get excited about their play. However, I hold to the opinion that they will not finish the season undefeated.

Related to Oregon, I find it disconcerting to turn on the television and see Jeremiah Masoli playing for Ole Miss. It's distracting...but damn he is good. Even if he is a drunk-driving thief. The Rebels, who are now some sort of new mascot to prevent the whole "we are racist creeps" theme.

Which brings me to my favorite ESPN ad of the season:

Seriously it's amazing.

In other news Boston College actually won yesterday. This is amusing for two reasons: one, we are terrible. Two, my best friend Laura's little brother Paul went to Clemson, and every year when we beat Clemson (because it literally seems like it's every year) he throws some sort of monster fit and refuses to tailgate after the game because he has to walk off his anger. And I like the idea of sad Paul wandering BC's campus in a Clemson T-shirt.

Speaking of walking off your anger, I made the error of watching the end of the Notre Dame - Tulsa game yesterday at the old folks home, where it's generally not acceptable to go on an expletive-laced tirade.

I'd like to, if I thought that anything I yelled would make anyone figure out how to make a team that perennially features some of the best, most highly recruited players in the country...play like winners.

Here's a start: hey coach, don't ask your freshman quarterback to throw into the end zone on 2nd and 8 with 2 minutes remaining at the 19 yard line when you're down by 1 point. Literally all you need to do is run the ball through the middle, line up a field goal for one of the best field goal kickers in America, and be done. It doesn't have to be pretty; I'd rather you win by 2 than win by 6, if it means you win. Which, ummm, you didn't. You lost to Tulsa.

Let's have a look at Tulsa: this is a football team that is 2-2 in Conference USA play. So to be clear, this is a team that has lost to Southern Methodist and got one of its wins over Central Arkansas.

I believe this is the end of Notre Dame football tradition. While I believe Notre Dame football has long been dead, the idea that a Fightin' Irish football team could lose to something called the Golden Hurricane (singular, which I believe makes it worse) indicates that any allure of this football program is gone.

Finally I just want to tell you that if you haven't seen Cam Newton play football, get yourself to a television next weekend. This guy (who is the QB for Auburn) is awesome to watch. At least as fun as LaMichael James to watch, and since he's not a Duck it's easier to be psyched to watch him succeed.

Also, he's not bad to look at either:

Thank you, Cam Newton. In the midst of a season wherein my teams are shameful and Oregon fans are being incredibly but predictably annoying, I salute you for making football-watching fun.

I am in hiding

Some of you may be saying, "Gee, Sheila. Why haven't you been posting your deep thoughts on college football recently?"

My answer: I am boycotting football that actually matters to me. I was so embarrassed by the Notre Dame - Boston College game, or as my friends referred to it, the Battle of Who Is Worst, that I just couldn't bring myself to write about college football.

Every year I think, 'This year I won't take it personally.'

Every year I am wrong.

I take it personally that two years ago my alma mater thought it was a good idea to fire Coach Jags because an NFL team wanted him. I take it personally that instead of hiring a real coach, BC's AD decided to go with the easy, cheap decision and take on Tom Selleck lookalike. I take it personally that the punter is averaging more yards per game than the quarterback.

Furthermore, I take it personally that Notre Dame still is able to recruit the top (able-to-read) receivers and quarterbacks in the nation, then can do nothing with them.

I take it personally that I have to live in a state where the Ducks also live, and as a result I have to listen to Ducks fans all season. And I have to watch the Ducks actually look really, really good.

Anyway, I'm trying. I promise.

Here are a few thoughts for you to chew on until Saturday:

--There are 11 freaking undefeated teams in the top 25 right now. The top ones are Ohio State and Oregon, but really there are a whole lot of good teams out there that could shape up to play some good ball down the road. Michigan State? I mean, I hate the Spartans but there's nothing better than a team playing for a sick coach. Or how about LSU? Damn they looked good last weekend. And Nebraska could win out the regular season and be shut out of the national title game too.

--Boise State and TCU: guess who no longer cares? Me. They're good. They are. I just still can't get behind teams that get to play their schedules each season. Even with OSU. I still can't root for them until they're playing decent teams week in and week out. That means I can't allow them to go into the ACC either, because the ACC is awful.

--Finally, here's something I totally disagree with: Eugene, Ore. being #3 on a list of best college football towns. Chapel Hill, NC ahead of Gainesville? No one even knew UNC had a football team til like 2 years ago. And they cheated to become a real football team. Speaking of, UVA? They have a football team? I am alarmed by this list. All I can guess is that they were just referring to "college towns" rather than "college football towns."

Have the writers been to Eugene? Because if they did they didn't leave campus.

The battle for last place

Sorry guys.

I stink because I failed to write anything for the past week or so.

Let me explain. I coach a boys soccer team. They're 8 and they're not very good. And they take up a lot of my time; incidentally, they also make me not want to have any children.

However, I have a job to do. So here you go.

I'm no longer talking about Boston College. First of all, they gained just 11 yards in the second half of their game against Virginia Tech on Saturday. Here's the problem with that: VT lost to a Div I-AA team, and also that's awful.

11 yards. You can walk that in like 10 seconds.

In other news, Notre Dame sucks too.

Now here's where it gets really bad: they play each other this weekend. It's the battle of who is the worst team in Division I-A. Get ready. It's going to be awful.

Why can't either of my teams have this guy?

I have bad news for you guys. There aren't really any good games today.

It's hard to get excited about the Texas Tech - Texas game when the man who was obsessed with pirates and UFOs and who was often invited to do the weather on the Lubbock TV station is gone.

That's right, folks. Mike Leach was a great coach who got fired for allegedly locking Adam James, the son of ESPN commentator Craig James, in an equipment locker after he got a mild concussion (or, perhaps, was just being a baby).

He was hilarious. Check out this ESPN video about him: I'm not joking when I say he loves pirates.

Without him, I really don't care about the Texas Tech - Texas game, except to see the new Texas QB who is replacing the boy named Colt. Unfortunately the new Texas QB has a way less interesting, ridiculous and Texas name.

Anyway, there aren't any games I'm very excited about. Though it will be interesting to see whether Virginia Tech is so bad that they lose to Eastern Carolina University after a loss last week to James Madison. That would be real real bad.

"Return of Heisman not an admission of guilt" -- This is hilarious

Bahahahaha this is the funniest, stupidest thing I've read in a long time.

Ok, Reggie. Ok.

NO HELMETS

Welcome to NO HELMETS, where we take a quick look at a hot dude without his helmet on. This week's entry is Dayne Crist, who aside from the fact that he took almost the entire first half of the Michigan game to regain his eyesight and cost his team the game (no biggie, dude), is hot.

He's cute enough, in fact, that I'll forgive the fact that his name is Dayne.

The ACC sucks

I know I'm not the first person to bring this up. But man, it's embarrassing.

When the two teams that were selected in the preseason to be national title contenders, or at least to be in the top 25, fail to win a game in the first two weeks...you've got problems.

Virginia Tech lost to Boise State in a great game with bad playcalling in the final two minutes. I don't care how much trust you have in a quarterback named Tyrod, you don't throw with less than two minutes remaining on a 3rd and 8 when the Potato People have no timeouts remaining. You just don't. The result -- Boise State marches down the field and takes the Hokies out.

But then VTech followed that sort-of impressive performance up with a loss at home to James Madison. For the record, this is a I-AA team. So there's no excuse. None.

The bad news for Boston College is that we have a week off and then have to play VTech. The Hokies will either have given up by our game or they'll be all kinds of pissed off and will destroy us. I'm going with the latter.

Meanwhile, over in the heartland, Notre Dame - Michigan proves to me the following: don't be a quarterback for Notre Dame. Ever.

My first reaction when the starting quarterback (who is a fine specimen of man, by the way) sat out a series early in the first half was: get your ass back in the game, you pussy.

Which really? Probably isn't the best reaction to have to someone who can't see out of their right eye. But I was overwhelmed by the fact that this guy who by all accounts did not suffer a concussion and who the sideline reporter said "just doesn't feel good" had been given the starting job for a hallowed university in a home game against an archrival, and was sitting out because he didn't feel well. And the Irish lost. So you have your answer right there.

In other news, I think Oregon is dangerously good. Or else haven't played anyone yet. I take that back -- they're a combination of good and untested. They'll continue that theme by taking on Portland State this weekend. In fact, they won't really be tested until maybe Oct 2 against Stanford or maybe Oct 30 when the Ducks take on USC.

I know what various Duck fans will say -- we went into an SEC stadium and put up nearly 50 points. Yes, that's true. Unfortunately that SEC stadium is Rocky Top, and Tennessee has been not so hot the past couple years (12-13, for those of you challenging me). Also those 12 wins include victories over Ohio, Western Kentucky, UAB and Northern Illinois.

Now then: Reggie Bush has decided (finally) to give up his Heisman Trophy. I'd like to point out that will be the first time ever the trophy has been taken away. People have said to me, "OJ got to keep his Heisman and he murdered people." I have a couple comebacks for this, among them that OJ was not technically convicted of murder, and also that OJ didn't murder people during his time at USC and also that OJ murdering people didn't affect his amateur status the way Reggie's taking money and a house from some people did.

A house. I just want people to remember that, when you pay your mortgage or your rent each month. He accepted a HOUSE.

Did you guys know that this Florida wide receiver was arrested for stalking his ex-girlfriend this week?


I probably wouldn't want to get a text message from someone saying "Time to die, bitch." Not going to lie. But he looks friendly enough. Also -- he's only 5 foot 9. Just a side note.

On the subject of Florida, I'm curious -- do you think that if the Gators turn out to be not-so-good this season, as it appears they will, Urban Meyer will return to his crazy person ways? I mean, the guy nearly died last season from coaching. This year he's adopted this calm persona and I got to tell you, it's not working out so hot. They look not so great. Just a thought.

I have a theory...

...and it goes like this: if in the first week of college football season, your team shouldn't play a team you can't identify on a map. Likewise, your team shouldn't play a team in a division below yours. Etc. Etc.
I say this because while I'm sure it was a real blast to watch Oregon beat New Mexico by the classy score of 72-0, it didn't make anyone better. Oregon is not a better team for beating NM in that fashion; the Ducks may, actually, be worse today. Likewise, Boston College should not seek out a team like Weber State to measure its self-worth (which, judging by a 38-20 score, is not very high). It's the same way with Florida State v Samford, or Florida v Miamo (of Ohio).

These are stupid games. I know it's nice to see the W in the win column and get a feel for what still needs to be worked on in the coming weeks. But it's not much fun to watch, in my opinion, and it doesn't accomplish much of anything.
On the other hand, I actually respect Oregon State's tough loss yesterday. That is a solid opener -- taking on TCU is a noble start to the season, and it was arguably Saturday's best game. It was also proof that the Beavers might be decent this year, and proof that TCU is going to win its entire season with little challenge.

But I can't get past the TCU quarterback. He's very talented, he's very strong, and he's very, very ginger. It's so shocking when he takes off his helmet! Every time I'm shocked. Like I forget while I'm watching him play, and then THIS happens:
I bet he's really nice. And smart. And funny. And I have nothing against a redhead. But it's just not something you see much in college football. I'm just throwing it out there.

That's actually all I have to say today. I'll get back to you soon. It is a long weekend, after all.

Musings on the opening day...

For those of you who don't know, today is the first day of college football!
Praise Jesus.

Now then, here are two important links I thought would make you happy today:

One, a look at former college football stars and what they're doing with their lives these days.
Two, 90210 is an important part of my life.

Utah decided it would be awesome day to remind the Big East that they suck at football, by beating #14 Pitt in OT. I honestly can't tell you much about Utah; I mean, I can tell you a lot of less than optimal things about the state but as for the football team, I am clueless. Here's something interesting about the state, though. To drink there, you have to join "private clubs." But you can still only drink 3.2 % beer.
In other news, I'm watching the USC - Hawaii game right now and I'm like 90 percent sure there's a guy on the team named Cheezy. As it turns out, the 5-10 running back's name literally? Is Chizzy Dimude. Through my investigatory journalism skills I learn that his full name is Chizimuzo, so yes, I would go by Chizzy. But with a name like that you BETTER be a big-time football player or else you will get your ass handed to you.
Oh! I almost forgot to show you the worst uniforms I've ever had the bad luck to encounter!

Check this out. And that's just VT. I will say I'm a pretty big fan of the gloves.

There are a pretty wide variety of these. I like a couple of them, but this one is the one I love: Alabama's houndstooth-themed numbers, in honor of Coach Bear Bryant who wore this ridiculous hat.

Anyway, time to watch Hawaii hopefully come back to whoop the Trojans. In the interim, I leave you with Utah's cutest team member in honor of their big win tonight.



Okay, so yeah, I picked the coach: Kyle Whittingham, because he's kind of adorable. Does this mean I'm getting old?

See you Saturday!

A thought

When you see a new college sort of come out from nowhere and begin playing better than it ever has before, you may be the type of person who says: "Good for them."

I am the type of person who says, "I can't wait to see what sort of NCAA violations they've committed."

Case in point: North Carolina, ranked in the preseason top 25 and a school long known for being bad at football, great at basketball.

Here's one way in which they may have been able to get ahead: cheating.

I'm back baby!

Alright kids, just three weeks until the pigskin hits the turf again. To say I'm excited would be an understatement.

My brother refers to it being like Christmas Day. Honestly, I don't get as excited for Christmas anymore as I do for college football gearing up.

A couple thoughts from the off-season:
--Remarkable work by the NCAA. It only took them like 4 years to figure out that Southern Cal was cheating. Here's the report. And here, I think, is my favorite quote from the Trojans' now-fired athletic director Mike Garrett when he learned about the report:

"As I read the decision by the NCAA … I read between the lines and there was nothing but a lot of envy. They wish they all were Trojans."

A few thoughts on that: not the best way to show the NCAA that you are going to clean up your program. Also not the best way, as he may have learned, to keep your job.

--Also in the Pac-10, the University of Oregon football team was busy in the offseason getting wasted and stealing stuff from frat boys, beating and choking their girlfriends, and driving cars full of weed around Oregon's most annoying town.

That's right. Jeremiah Masoli, the starting quarterback, was first suspended from the team and then later booted off of it for being incapable of staying out of trouble for one long offseason. He lied to coaches about his role in a theft from a frat house, then got pulled over while driving and had a bit of illegal substance in the car. So Masoli's out. Amazingly, he's headed to Ole Miss!?!?
Several other players were removed or suspended from the team this off-season as well. Top times in Eugene.

--Last thing for today: Deadspin has been trying to find the dumbest college athlete, which while I find amusing I also find tragically depressing. But here's my favorite so far: Clemson's obviously educating the shit out of their players.

Final thought: this new Oregon QB is kind of hot, huh?


That's my warmup post to get ready for my valiant return.

Stay frosty!

Season Wrap-Up

I recognize I've failed to write anything for days. That's because I really didn't enjoy so many of the bowl games this season.

But here is what I believe to be the best part of wrapping up the season. The abandoning of teams by coaches looking for greater glory.

Pete Carroll leaves USC, 3rd-choice Lane Kiffin heads there after one season at Tennessee. I find this so incredibly hilarious, I don't know what to do.

First, let me point out that USC approached Mike Riley, the Oregon State coach. Look, I like Oregon State. But the man is not a winner. Oregon State, in response to the rumors, offers Riley a freaking lifetime coaching position. Is that insane? Yes, yes it is. Riley has a sweet deal at OSU -- he can lose a few games every season, he grew up in Corvallis, he gets some decent recruits.

At USC he would have been destroyed.

Now then, second point: so you go with Lane Kiffin, who aside from having a crazy name also travels everywhere with his father Monte. Which I have to tell you, seems a little excessive. I know that Monte Kiffin invented Cover 2 and is a hell of a good defensive coordinator (though you might not have known that to see the Vols play this year). But I gotta tell you, it's creepy to have your 70-year-old father serve as your coordinator. It's just weird.

Anyway, third point about Lane Kiffin: this is a man who a) can't keep his mouth shut (he accused Florida's Urban Meyer and Georgia of violating NCAA rules, and b) has some problems with NCAA violations himself.

This year, he allowed some very attractive young women to travel to high school games to help with recruiting. So let me just say that I think he'll fit right in at USC, which has a variety of NCAA investigations in process.

One final side note: the Tennessee students apparently tried to wage war on the dude today after his announcement (I'd be pissed too if my coach who promised to turn around my team abandoned ship after one mediocre season). They straight up burned mattresses and rioted. ROCKY TOP!
No one enjoys a sort of crappy riot more than I do, what with the infamous Boston College hockey-related riot of 2000. I'd upload pictures, but unfortunately it was before digital cameras.